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A crowd clusters around the Christ in the Visitors Center of the Washington DC Temple of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints.
Lady Ozma's Journey 
gauvaine said:
Still my favorite temple, even though I’ve never visited it. Very compelling.
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Lady Ozma said:
I love it
you should come visit. We could go. Um, just give me heads up cause I’m a slacker. I need to get my recommend renewed. I’m working on it. My goal is the second half of this year sometime… 🙂
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gauvaine said:
Re: I love it
When I lived in Tennessee, when we first joined the church, we were in the Washington, D.C., temple district. lol. They would rent a bus and they would have to drive for a whole day and a half just to get there.
Then we were in the Atlanta temple district when that one was built. So, a whole day closer. I’m very thankful the Reno Temple is only 30 minutes away.
I just got back from a youth temple trip on Saturday with my daughter. We did alot of my wife’s familie’s work. I’m glad you are motivated to get your recomend renewed. You won’t regret it. I went 12 years between visits. I don’t recommend it. I’ve gone 7 times since August. Not nearly enough but more than not going at all.
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Lady Ozma said:
Re: I love it
Geeze, the DC Temple is far away from TN. I know the drive well, my inlaws live near Nashville. Oy.
I bet you are glad to be so much closer to a Temple! I loved being close in Columbus. So easy to get to. I went so often!!
It’s been a rough few years for me. I’m motivated but I’m having some issues. I want to go but at the same time I don’t. It’s just hard. I miss it, but at the same time…
I don’t recommend long gaps in going, either. It’s BAAAAAD
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gauvaine said:
My recommendation would be to pray until you do want to go. Noelle was having that problem but finally got the prompting to meet with the stake president after some soul searching.
They always say if you don’t want to pray, pray until you do feel like praying. The same is true in this case.
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Lady Ozma said:
HAHA Good point
I’m working on it. I suddenly got a deadline. EEEK. Apparently a friend in Arizona would like me to take pictures at a wedding. Well I’m not sure i can get out of going to the Temple with them and bumming around outside. Even if I claim it to be “scouting for good photo spots”. I mean how long can that REALLY take? LOL
I’m working on it by going a little overboard with my scripture study. I’m doing the Hinckley Challenge, the bible in a year, the Ensign one article a day, and conference address a day. Thank goodness for readthescriptures.com LOL. I don’t know that you can really go overboard on scripture study, but if it is possible, I’m going for it. 🙂
It is helping. I probably need to see my Bishop. Or my Stake President. After President Uchtdorf’s talk at stake conference a week ago our SP is more gung ho then ever!!!! 🙂 But.. then I’d have to talk to someone… EEEK
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gauvaine said:
Re: HAHA Good point
Well, as the bishop told me when I had to go through this whole process, the Lord cares who you are now, not who you were five years ago. You are preparing yourself. You are pondering. You are studying. You are praying. You don’t have to be perfect. Far from it. Going to the temple actually helps you do better and be better.
I think people get the impression they have to be super mormon to be able to go to the temple. It doesn’t work like that. Yes, you have to pay your tithing and be active and have a testimony and sustain your church leaders, but that is fluff. The key is endeavoring to want to be closer to Heavenly Father and to learn. Every time I go to the temple, I learn something new. President Hinckley was right in that regard. I could go 1000 times and still learn something. That’s the way it is supposed to work.
If you haven’t been in a long time, and your recommend has expired, your bishop might want you to take a temple prep class again, just to prepare you and to remind you what the experience is about and for. That’s what my wife and I did. I told the bishop that my recommend is the most important document I own.
So, i would ask him and see what he says. Talking to the stake president is always an experience. A good one.
Just remember that they want you to be able to go. They want you to experience it and learn from it and do it as often as you can. They will help you do what you need to do to get bach there. They don’t grill people, they don’t try to make you feel self-concious and afraid. Just the opposite.
So, hang in there and do what you need to do. This last youth temple trip was so powerful, I couldn’t describe it. I did the baptisms for my wife’s grandparents, with my daughter proxying for the female relatives and it was very overwhelming.
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Lady Ozma said:
Re: HAHA Good point
I have often made the mistake of thinking I needed to be SuperGirl to go to the Temple. I never felt I was quite good enough, but I tried to go anyway.
Right now, it’s something else holding me back. My bishop knows. My recommend expired a couple of years ago. I would need to get a new one anyway because fo the new barcodey system. You know, I’ve never gone to temple prep classes. I wonder what they teach at those things I just read Moses the first go round.
Wow, when I was baptised for my grandma and my great grandma it was so awesome. Then I did their other work and it was just so awesome. I want to finish their work, but I need their husbands taken care of.
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gauvaine said:
Re: HAHA Good point
Well, the manual for the temple prep classes is online, if you want to take a look at it. Our former bishop and his wife taught us and I still remember some of the stories and experiences they shared with us, especially about tithing and some other things. It was very uplifting. Of course, they wanted to go with us when we did go. And the current bishop and his wife. And the young men’s president and his wife. We filled up an endowment session with people from our ward practically, just because they wanted to be there with us. I was very grateful.
The temple can be scary and overwhelming if you aren’t prepared for it. And confusing. I’ve learned alot in the last 6 months, that’s for sure.
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Lady Ozma said:
Re: HAHA Good point
HAHA That’s great that so many people wanted to go with you. We actually had a load of people. It was so funny. We eloped to the Temple and planned it in less than two weeks. Neither of us had family at the time that could go so we figured it would be small so I just went around calling everyone I could think of. We ended up in the larger sealing room!!!!! I think we had like 20/25 people there? I don’t know, I’d have to pull out ye olde scrapbook. Off the top of my head I can name 9 of the people instantly.
It was really nice to be surrounded by so many people. Two of the people there we gave a ride to, they were the missionary that baptised me and his companion. Elder F went home the next week. It was so cool to see him in the Temple!! I was like, “Well look here… guess we’re all in white again.” *SNORT* I’m not kidding, he laughed. My YW leader was there as my escort and she said I was the first of “her” girls to go and she was honoured I wanted to take her. I thought of her as my LDS Mommy so it worked 😉 Her husband was in the mission presidency at the time (which is why it was so easy to get Elder F there *SNERK*). He’d been stake president when I joined the church adn is now our patriarch. He witnessed for us so I have his little siggy sitting here on my wall 😉 Just about everyone but them I have lost touch with. 😦
The next time I went I was real scared. The first time you go is a cakewalk. I mean they pretty much walk you through everything and are there to pick you up if you fall. But I was scared to death they were going to throw me to the wolves so to speak after that. But nope!!! It wasn’t for almost four years after that I could attend with any sort of regularity due to distance. Now distance, Ok TRAFFIC, is a big thing keeping people away here. We only live about 50-60 miles from the Temple but we have to battle Northern VA and a huge chunk of the capitol beltway. YUCK. It can take upwards of three to four hours to get there. Or home.
I love the Temple. I tend to find my learning coming about two days after I go when I open my Scriptures. And it’s like “Hello, where was THIS?” Hmmm, must have been hiding in the Temple! HEHEHE
You know what… thank you for talking to me about this. I am really feeling so good about the Temple right now. I’ve been trying for about three years now to get up the courage to go in for a recommend interview. I mean, I’ve gone in and talked to my Bishop and he knows what’s going on in my life and why I’m struggling. He’s been sort of helpful while at the same time sort of not, if that makes ANY sense whatsoever. LOL He’s a good Bishop but he kind of leaves things in people’s hands which in my case is BAD since I will just go hide in a corner and ignore things 😉 LOL
Anyway, I’m remember some of my past excursions to the Temple and it’s really touching me. Maybe this is the year I can get that recommend and go again. Which will thrill those people wanting to fly me to Arizona for a wedding. And my BIL. (He’s since come back to the church and he’s real active.) Actually I was aiming for March so I could join his stake relief society. Crazy enough, I’m active so much in their stake that I feel like it’s home. We go up four or more times a year and they don’t even welcome me as a visitor anymore. We had Joram baptised up there. LOL (It’s about 3.5 hours in good traffic to my inlaws in NJ. And they are in the DC Temple district.) I am just not ready to do it for next month. I wasn’t really going to crash their stake RS thing (though I’m sure the ward would have welcomed me anyway), but I wanted to have that goal. I’m just not quite there.
But I’m far closer now than I have been in a long while.
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gauvaine said:
Re: HAHA Good point
Sounds like your initial temple visit was alot like ours. I can’t remember everyone that was there, but I knew alot of them, mostly family members of my friend, who was actually getting married and we were tagging along to get endowed and sealed, as well, since we hadn’t done that and the bishop encouraged us to make ourselves worthy and to be able to go by the time the wedding happened. So we had time to take the classes and prepare ourselves. It was still overwhelming.
That was at the Oakland temple, which was a 5 hour trip. A 30 minute drive is so much better.
Well, I’m glad I can share some of my experiences with you to try and get you in the right frame of mind. It sounds like your bishop is letting you prepare yourself on your own, with just a tiny bit of nudging. That is all he can do. One day, you’re going to call, tell them you are coming, pack your temple bag and just go and it will be like you’ve come home.
It was 12 years between visits for me, like I’ve said, and there was a completely different feel to it the second time, one that I’ll always remember. I need to go soon, i’m starting to need a recharge on my spiritual batteries. I always go to the temple and then feel let down when I have to leave, like I’m leaving a part of myself behind.
I’d love to be a temple worker. But I’m no where near spiritual enough for that. I’m lucky if I can get out hometeaching once a month. Maybe when I’m old and gray, and the kids have moved out I’ll be alot more patient, understanding, and spiritual. I hope so.
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Lady Ozma said:
Re: HAHA Good point
What a wonderful encouragement of your bishop!!! 🙂 That’s great!!! I’m glad you got to go with so many people. I bet the couple getting married didn’t mind the tag alongs! 🙂 That would be a wonderful tag along!! 🙂
Yeah, I’ve done long drives and short drives to the Temple. I definitely like short drives.
When I was going to the temple regularly in Columbus, I felt a lot more at ease about everything going on in my life. So that’s good. I’m hoping maybe that will happen again. I’m just worried about the stressers that I feel just sitting in Church on Sunday. And that’s ridiculous. I should not do that.
My bag is already packed. I have a special bag just for the Temple. THough I might want to try my dress on just to make sure I can still wear it! I’ve actually not changed weight since the last time, but I have rearranged a bit. Thankfully my Temple here is DC and they should have gowns that I can rent. Same with Mesa, which is where the marriage that I might be flying to (actually looking like a 99% chance now) is going to be.
OK, so I’m not alone in feeling like ‘I don’t want to leave!!!” I will conjure up any excuse when I go to just sit and stare at the walls or something so I don’t have to leave. There’s just something about the Temple!!!
LOL, about your comments about being a Temple Worker. I always sweat every time I have ot do something. Even when I was going so often, I always felt panicky. So I’d always flub things up. WHich is crazy cause I knew what I had to say. I never really suffer from “stage fright” except in the Temple! Which is crazy, I know, but I do!!! I’m all like “Um, yeah, like, uh, um, er, you see…”
Maybe when I’m old (I’m already greying) I can figure out how to be a Temple worker. I have this dream of being a Temple worker… I’d love to do that with my husband. I always thought the coolest calling in the church would be in the temple presidency. (I’d get to tag along on that one as the wifey) I mean come on, wouldn’t that be cool? But the way it looks like right now, it’s never going to happen. 😦
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gauvaine said:
Re: HAHA Good point
Never say never, I’ve always learned. “I’m never going back to church. I’ll never get a temple recommend. I’ll never go back to school. I don’t want any more kids.”
Well, back to church already with 5 youth temple trips, scout leadership, young men’s advisor, and two sacrament meetings talks and several opening and closing prayers for stake conference and leadership meetings. So, the whole not going to church and not getting a recommend are out the window now.
I’m in my second semester of graduate school. Argh. So much for that.
We had a boy that was supposed to be a girl, right after we decided we didn’t want any more children. Oops.
Never say never. There was an interesting article I read when I was researching material for my talk. It was about a person who joined the church with his family when he was a teen-ager, drifted away when he got older, got married, raised a family, moved around alot, but was inactive the whole time, even though his wife joined and attended regularly.
One day, out of the blue, the stake president calls him to meet with him and asks him to stop smoking, challenging him to see if he could do it within the next month or so. So, the man gives it a go, starts going to church with his wife, and stops smoking. Six weeks later, the stake president calls him again and they meet and he asks him how he was doing. The man is very excited and tells him he’s quit smoking and is even going to church.
The stake president is glad to hear that and extends a call for the man to be the bishop in one of the local wards. Are you kidding me?!!!
The man thought it was a joke and that the stake president was out of his mind, but he accepts the call. Eventually, this bishop’s ward had one of the highest baptism rates in the whole mission.
I just thought that was the coolest thing. The Lord knew what he was doing. This guy accepted the challenged and magnified his calling and was a great bishop for that ward.
So, get those matron clothes ready to go. *wink*
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Lady Ozma said:
Re: HAHA Good point
If you but only knew. I’m just frustrated and tired of the junk going on. But that’s another story for another time that’s not so public. I’ve given up waiting and am working now on myself. It’s the only choice I have left for me. We’ll see where it happens. But there’s a path being walked down and unfortunately the two of us are heading in opposite directions. Mine is to stop sitting still waiting on someone to change and run to catch up. Mine is to move forward. *SIGH*
It gets real hard though dealing with it when the other person ACTS like they are doing things right. No one knows and that’s real hard. Well, scratch that. The Bishop knows. But he’s not really doing anything so the whole situation sits in limbo. I understand what he’s waiting for, but at the same time I’m living in fear of the phone call where he says, “Enough’s enough.” Because I don’t know what’ll happen then. Sometimes i think it might be impetus needed to change. Sometimes I wonder if it might be just what is needed. At the same time I wonder if it might be bad, too.
We’ll see. I just found out my trip might be in May now. I don’t know that I’ll be ready that soon for my friend. But, if I’m not, I’ll definitely be there to take her photos. Maybe the time alone to just reflect on temple grounds might be beneficial to helping me continue on my path…
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gauvaine said:
Re: HAHA Good point
Well, you can only deal with yourself and work on you. A cliche, I know, but true. You can’t force anyone to go down a path they fear to tread or are too stubborn to want to walk down. I know from experience. And from Noelle’s experience, I know all about people saying one thing and doing another and looking good, but not being who they say they are, especially as it relates to church leaders being of help. Their discernment only goes so far and only for particular purposes.
How many times did the missionaries knock on our door, wanting to teach the girl’s new member lessons? Wanting to baptize our oldest? I kept saying, “I’ll do it when I’m ready.” Then another month would pass, then a year, then two years. Another set of missionaries. Then another set. Then another set. Then another set. Visits by hometeachers. Visits by the bishopric. Visits by the stake presidency. I dreaded those knocks on the door and those phone calls you would get. And I nodded and said the right things and smiled and then still didn’t go to church.
All the while, my wife was waiting and my kids were curious.
Finally, after suffering much trial and tribulation, much of it because of my own doing, I gave in and just did it. It took a couple of tries, but finally something inside me snapped and I couldn’t say “no” anymore. I don’t know what it was. I know what it means by being hard hearted and stubborn, though. Everytime I read that, I know exactly what they are talking about.
Here I am, 14 months later, figuring out ways to put the temple schedule into my schedule so I can go do my family’s work. I don’t know what happened. My life and priorities have completely changed. I read my scriptures every day. We have family prayer every morning. I teach every week. I read Preach My Gospel to get some insight. I just finished up a Teaching Essentials class to be a better teacher. I’m reading the Joseph Smith Gospel doctrine book. I have to teach the Elder’s quorum how to use the new family search website, since our stake is one of the three, I think, that is still testing it and able to use it.
And I still think to myself, “I’m not worthy to be here. This is a joke. I’ll never be that strong or spiritual.” Then a high council speaker tells you in sacrament to raise your own bar, don’t compare yourself to other people, work on yourself and the rest will come. Everyone is different. Everyone has their own talents and attributes. Everyone has their own relationship with Heavenly Father and the spirit. Just listen and do the best you can.
It seems to be working so far. And I think you can make it by May if you really wanted to. I think it is important that you be able to go in, even if you don’t go in, you know what I mean? Sometimes it’s the thought, and not the deed.
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gauvaine said:
Anything else that comes up that can’t be discussed in this forum, just send it to my email: mattrachel@sbcglobal.net
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Lady Ozma said:
Re: HAHA Good point
You are so right. And I know you are right. I just wish it was as easy to do as to say! LOL Heck, I hear myself GIVING that advice, but I’m so bad about TAKING it!
Oh gosh, Noelle’s case takes the cake. I get real angry sometimes reading her posts. I swear it would do her good for someone to buy that girl a punching bag so she can take out some frustration because I’m no where NEAR the situation and I want one!!!! How she’s managed to not go completely and totally postal is beyond me. Gee whiz. Her husband invented hypocrite.
I’m glad you’ve returned now! You are awesome. The really hard part for me is my husband goes EVERY WEEK. But my BIL baptised my kids. My escort through the temple asked why and I dodged the question and I think she forgot. She hasn’t brought it up again at least. Now we’re looking at the oldest turning 12 and all signs point that my BIL will be giving him the priesthood. My kids don’t understand. Dad told him “I’m not prepared”. They don’t understand what that means. But even worse, my husband takes great pleasure in particpating in class. The teachers ask him to substitute all the time. I’m like ‘Are you sure that’s OK, did you ask the Bishop?” and he’s like ‘I don’t know that it matters” Erm, you can’t have a calling so…. (though now they’ve gotten around that by giving him a scout calling which technically you dont’ even have to be a member to have. I thought it would be good and motivate him to change, but it hasn’t yet.)
I think that’s why I struggle so much. I feel like everything in my life is just so dishonest and I know that’s one of the questions on the recommend interview. What am I supposed to say? Though my Bishop knows and I’m kind of thinking he’ll let me “slide” and tell me something that SHOULD make me feel better because I really know deep down it’s true, but I’ll feel like it isn’t and he’s letting me “slide”. But maybe that getting to the SP and telling him the same thing might be what I need to do. I mean don’t get me wrong. I trust my Bishop. I do. But at the same time, maybe getting it “Boom” from both him AND the SP might in some way help me?
I mean the sad thing is, I KNOW the answer. The answer is none of this is my fault. The answer is I am doing everything I can do. The answer is I am not purposefully leading a deceitful life. Technically there should be NOTHING holding me back. What is holding me back is my insane need to take the blame where blame does not even enter in.
Does that make sense?
I actually was thinking I want to get the dang card. Nothing says I have to use it. But I wnt the card. Maybe if I have the card, I can work towards the using of it. Like you said, It is important to be able to go in, even if I don’t.
I have mixed feelings that I don’t want to tell this family. Because of everything I feel so just “blah” on the whole marriage thing so I don’t want to end up in tears or something retarded like that and ruin their wonderful day. So on the one hand it would be a relief to say “Um yeah, I don’t have a recommend” rather than say, “Um, yeah, I’m not going in.” Actually I don’t want to say either. I want to go in. I want to be there for them. But I don’t know what it will do to my psyche.
I’ve been so mentally messed up over this whole thing. I don’t know which way is up anymore!!!
But I do feel like I am making progress. Like you I doubt myself. I’m not worthy to do these things and I’ll never be strong enough or spiritual enough. Like that walking with women thing. My golly, I struggled for almost a YEAR before I posted the first thing. Isn’t that crazy? But look at how great that is for me. And I cry almost every week when I read the comments… because it just amazes me how many people are enjoying it. I figured people would think I was just stupid!!!
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Lady Ozma said:
Ha, I jus tposted a comment
That probably I shouldn’t. After you read it I may delete it 😉 Or at least edit out a big chunk of it. So… go read it… stat!
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Anonymous said:
Re: HAHA Good point
Well, time to start listening to your own advice, I guess. It seems obvious, but I would recommend to pray about getting a recommend or not, if you haven’t already. Straight up. If you don’t get a prompting, go talk to the bishop and then go see the stake president. I’m surprised your bishop hasn’t made you attend temple prep class together or something. It’s paramount that couples be temple worthy. I hadn’t even been back to church for 4 months and they were already coralling me to get on the ball.
Noelle always prayed and did what she thought she was suppoed to be doing, with this lead weight around her neck, this dark shadow hanging over her head, that everyone thought was great and spiritual. I can’t see how everyone could be so blind. Some of the stuff is so bizarre, it has become amusing in a warped, bizarro kind of way. It would make a great book on how to not be a role model, priesthood holder, and family patriarch. She’s finally at a point where she doesn’t get depressed and bitter. Now it is anger and pity and frustration. But she still prays for him and hopeshe finds his way. She has a bigger heart than she gives herself credit for. I wouldn’t do that, I don’t think. But she was holding onto that anger and finally let it go. As soon as she did, she felt prompted to get her recommend and now has it. I had to bug her about it for weeks but she finally did it.
As for your situation, which I’m not going to pry into, I think just going to the Bishop and trusting the SP is the thing to do. When I had my own interview, I had that dreaded, “Are there any things that you have done that need to be resolved by a priesthold authority since receiving your last temple recommend?” Uh oh. I had to meet with the bishop and tell him some things that were painful and embarassing and not very positive as regarding my character, my worthiness, and my dedication to my spouse. I so dreaded that interview. I read articles about being disfellowshiped. Articles about being excommunicated. Articles about church court and hearings. I was petrified. How was I going to do this? Why even bother?
The bishop told me, “The Lord cares about who you are now, not who you were five years ago.” That’s it. I answered the rest of the questions and I was fine. That night there was a youth fireside with one of the stake leadership, that I think i mentioned. He completely changed his talk and focused on temple worthiness and how when you have been forgiven, it never happened and that when you have been judged by a judge of israel, i.e., your bishop, you are free to go and be a better person. And that going to the temple was important and crucial. His talk was supposed to be about Mormons being a peculiar people but he completely changed his talk the night before because the Spirit had prompted him to do so. The only one’s at tht fireside were all the youth, the bishop and his wife, myself, and the speakers. Who you think that talk was aimed at? A chill went up my spine.
So, in other words, it isn’t your fault and you are worthy if the SP tells you that you are. I still needed that confirmation to be sure. I had to pinch myself when he signed my recommend. I mean, you can lie and answer all the questions and still get one, but you are held answerable to that if you do it. I think the Lord knew I would get mine signed but would never, ever go if I felt unworthy or ashamed, no matter what anyone said. It took a youth fireside to tell me that I had been forgiven and that I needed to do this.
I can understand the tentativeness and not wanting to get upset or maudlin if you went, but I don’t think that would happen. I think it would empower you to do what you have to do, for yourself. You would be renewed. You would be happy, like you found something you put down and couldn’t find. Something important.
I don’t have to tell you what the Lord would say to you if you asked him if you should go to the temple, if you were worthy. He would tell you, “Why would I not want you to be closer to me, my child? The temple is my house and where I dwell. I invite you to dwell there in body and spirit as often as you can. I encourage it. I require it.”
It works for me.
And I like your posts. They are very powerful and thoughtful.
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Lady Ozma said:
Re: HAHA Good point
Haha, log in silly!
My husband might benefit from the class since he hasn’t been since we got sealed nearly 14 years ago. Who knows what he’s forgotten while busy doing… non Temple things. I don’t really feel a need to go to the class and I don’t know if they are even offering them. *shrug* They definitely aren’t in my ward at any rate.
Like i said, I think the Bishop is almost a little too “Well you’ll do what you need in your own time”. He did what he needed to initially but there’s just no follow up and I think that’s the problem. Honestly I think there needs to be a parole officer in this case or someone will just get way too lazy.
I think Noelle should be given instant Sainthood for putting up with that guy. Wow, she really amazes me. My heart still breaks for her. And I can’t believe how much her kids are still dealing with that creep and how she’s still not really free of him. GAAAH. Boy, I’m hoping come judgement day as much as I’m a curious sort that I’m on the far other side of wherever… cause i don’t think it’s gonna be pretty. KWIM? Oy. I only hope that Noelle and I can meet up in the place of all goodness and high five her surviving the meltdown.
I really do think about it now… especially hearing my SP last week at women’s conference. I nearly ran to him on the spot. I knew he was busy doing some other things but seriously, I debated hurdling hte pews… Maybe I should have and just gotten things over with 😉 HAHA
But yeah, the thing is that really none of this falls on me. I’ve had two bishops tell me that but still, I blame myself and I let my emotions get the better of me and I end up all mopey and dorky. I am denying myself something I probably don’t need to deny myself.
HAHA On your Bishop. He sounds very wise and very in tune with the spirit. Isn’t it awesome when that happens?
And you are right, the Lord doesn’t care who you were five years ago. If you’ve moved away from your sins, you are good to go. Unfortunately that is not the case here and I don’t know what to make of it. But it’s been 2 and a half years since the last action was taken and… here we sit really in the same exact position. I really cannot keep staying stagnant, no matter what the people around me do. It’s just really hard…
I can tell you, that I am a lot harder on myself than any interview. I question myself all the time. I never feel worthy. Maybe it’s my own self doubt that has landed myself in the middle of a self fulfilled prophecy, I don’t know. All I know is my life is a mess and I feel like I have no control over fixing it and that makes things really hard.
Maybe it would empower me. I just know the last wedding I went to was real hard on me. It was like a giant knife being gouged into my heart time and time again. It was all I could do to make it through. By the time everything was done, I had huge marks in my hands where my nails had bitten into my palms from how hard I was clinching my fists.
I think I’m pretty sure if I talked ot the Lord and asked him about entering his house he’d be like “What, you waiting for a golden invitation? Why weren’t you here yesterday? Geeze, get with it!” Then he’d pull out the giant hook and drag me in. HEHEHE
I’m glad you like my posts. You should see the email I sent out today about Jacob 5. I looked at it in a whole new way today. I know blah blah it’s a parable telling of today and the gentiles and God’s chosen people. Scratch that. I completely saw it totally different today.
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Lady Ozma said:
Re: HAHA Good point
FYI, I screened the other comment I made, the one before this one you answered with… just cause I didn’t want it “out there” It said a little too much about stuff I’m not supposed to put in my blog but I don’t think certain people read comments but who knows.
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gauvaine said:
Time to make a new thread. These two word columns are making my head hurt.
They usually won’t do temple prep classes until someone gets married, joins the church with their spouse, or are members and haven’t gone in a long time because they were inactive or have never gone. So, it’s one of those by appointment only type of things. When we took it this second time, it was supposed to be us and this other couple, who never showed up and who we never saw come to church after they had their baby blessed one Sunday. So, it was us, and the former bishop and his wfe. A very intimate class to say the least.
Alot of times, the leadership doesn’t like getting involved with family things and marital problems. It’s a touchy subject. When do you make someone step up to the plate or you are going to disfellowship them? When do you call a leadership council and question the person? When does the bishop call you on the carpet and tell you what is going to happen? I don’t know. It never happened with Noelle. She was always just blamed and told to work harder. If that is what the spirit prompted the bishop to say, then fine. I can’t gainsay that and you aren’t supposed to criticize the leadership in the church. But something was missing from the whole process to let Ken continue to do what he was doing and being who he was being. I have no answers.
In your case, without prying, I don’t know. Like I said, you have to be judged by a judge of Israel and have to do whatever penance they deem appropriate and then revisit the issue when they say you can. If you are repentant and serious, that is. If you aren’t and have no intent on being so and you are just treading water, playing games, being sly or hypocritical, then there is no answer. Be difellowshipped. Be excommunicated. Be on probation. Be not allowed to take the sacrament or participate in any activities. That’s fine, for some. They can pretend. But the Lord isn’t fooled. There is a special place for those who think they are smarter than he is, when they have a measure of the truth and a testimony and make fun of it or twist its meaning or disregard it. Eventually, something bad does happen to them and their life is a smoking ruin. I’ve seen it happen. And there is always collateral damage, unfortunately.
Go see your SP. I think you are ready. And the new recommend with the barcodes are very cool. And I don’t think you’ll be sad or nervous if you went to the wedding. I think you are past that. I think your outlook has changed. Don’t ever let anything or anyone interfere with your relationship with your Heavenly Father. That is sacred and world spanning. Going to the temple is the embodiment of everything that is right and good about that relationship.
It’s all part of that endure to the end, big picture thing they always tell us about and that I teach the 16-18 year old boys about, week end and week out. Faith. Repentance. Good works. Coventants and ordinances. Prayer. Scripture reading.
So, call up the bishop, get your interview. Go to the SP and lay it all out for him like Noelle had to do and was prepared to do. Then you will know it is okay to be you, it is okay to fill inadequate, because we all do. It is okay to know you are worthy and the Lord trusts you go come unto him as often as possible. Even if you don’t actually do it.
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Lady Ozma said:
Yeah the crazy LJ threading 😉
HAHA
You are right. The leadership is told to stay quiet. And i can understand it. At the same time, sometimes I think that more needs to be done. I’d love to see things i hear about… Like you hear about it all the time. “I was smoking, I was drinking, I didn’t come and then the Bishop came and said ‘Well we have this calling. Guess you’ve got two days to figure out how to quit.'”
See it’s been more like ‘So we have this calling, you cleared things up yet? No? Well, OK then. TTFN.” Then in December when I gave my talk, they wanted another… but basically it was never even anything more than in the hallway, “Has anything changed? No? Then no talk.” *SIGH* The blessings don’t do it, the probation for however many years hasn’t done it, basically it’s just stagnation on a whole lot of stagnation. WTH am I supposed to do though? I do know the Bishop we had in Ohio had himself a time table to go to next level. But we moved. This Bishop doesn’t seem to be into that scene as things have just gone for years now. Different Bishops work differently. I’d like to believe that there are reasons for my Bishop doing what he is doing. Especially because I feel strongly he’s an excellent Bishop. I just think he’s failing my family personally here. You know? I don’t think he means to, but basically it’s like putting a dog on a long leash and then walking away and figuring the dog will be able to eat and drink, but not really aiding in said eating and drinking. The dog does ok cause he happens to get some rainwater to quench his thirst and the random squirrel that comes within reach of his snapping jaws. But he’s not really very healthy with that.
I have no answers in Noelle’s case either. I do not understand why she was constantly blamed. I have known bishops though that have definitely been rather sexist so maybe that’s what it was, or maybe it was something else all together. Maybe there was something more that we did not see. Who knows. Whatever it was, that was one messed up situation that I’m glad i didn’t have to deal with. My heart breaks for her even now. I worry abt the kids. The thing that makes me real sick is this is what her kids are learning is “acceptable” because their father is doing it and then who gets blamed? Mom. Mom’s the one that broke up the family, Mom’s the reason they struggled for so many years, Dad’s just fine and peachy. What the heck?
See, I really see the whole “says the right things but doesn’t act.” I mean people have really no clue because on Sunday he looks and acts and says everything just right. We sit in the front of the chapel. He participates heavily in classes. I stopped going to Sunday School for two years because I couldn’t take it. I nearly went nuts a couple of weeks ago when the missionaries were here because he said the EXACT thing he does not do. He KNOWS the answers. It’s really rough.
I thought maybe we had the big todo last August, but it did not even phase him in the least. *SIGH* At this point I don’t know what to do to make him change other than walking out. But I’m not in a position to do that and be able to maintain the things I need to for my children. So I stay. Because I like the guy, he’s fantastic, but he’s got this really huge issue that for 14 years he hasnt’ done a dang thing to change. And it’s a pretty big one. So what do I do? *SIGH*
I think that before i go to Arizona, regardless of recommend or not, I’ll seek a blessing.
Well I do have an issue to clear up before i can get a temple recommend. I just get depressed and then forget to do it. I’m a slacker, what can I say. That one should not be too hard to figure out. I need to clear that up, stop forgetting. Sooooo.
This plowing through the scriptures I’m doing is actually in a weird way helping to take the sting off. So maybe after almost half a year of that… the Temple will be far more doable.
This time last year I didn’t want anything with going because of how depressed I was. But that is really changing now. Which makes me happy because my not wanting to go actually made me feel worse.
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gauvaine said:
Re: Yeah the crazy LJ threading 😉
You can always talk to the stake president or a high council representative, other than the bishop. They aren’t just for standing up in stake conference and for giving out temple recommends. They listen and comfort and counsel, just like a bishop would. I don’t know if the advice would be different or if any action would be taken, but it would be good to let them know how you are feeling, at least. Someone might decide to just pull the trigger and say, “Enough is enough Elder so and so.” Family unity and marital relations are such a sacred and touchy subject, it is just hard for them to open that can of worms.
I remember President Hinckley talking about divorce and how rampant it is and if we would only treat each other with respect and not be selfish, there wouldn’t be any problems. Treat your spouse with respect and be giving. Think of someone else, first, before yourself. It seems pretty simple when he puts it that way. But, you can’t change people. It doesn’t work. You always hope and think if you do a little bit more, give a little bit more, try a bit more, something will work. That’s how battered wives think. How spouses of alcoholics think. How the families of drug abusers think. People who have promiscuous spouses but love them and can’t bear to not be with them think. They live in a panic all the time. They know they aren’t in a healthy relationship but the alternative of truly fixing it is way too hard and scary. So they try harder, harder, hoping something will snap and the pieces will fit back together. But it never works, which is too bad.
But, I think you are doing good. You’ve gone from not wanting to have anything to do with going, to thinking about it, to praying about it, to now wanting to do it because you need to and want to. It’s all process and semantics now. The emotional hurdle of what was going on around you is no longer an obstacle to be feared. Just go around it or under it or over it and worry about where your legs are taking you, what road you are going down.
Keep plowing through the scriptures and clear up your temple recommend to do list and go and get it. You’ll be in Mesa, and you’ll walk in with everyone else, and it will be like, “What the heck was I thinking? This is totally awesome.”
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Lady Ozma said:
Re: Yeah the crazy LJ threading 😉
I know you can go see the SP but I always think, “But he is probably busy with people with real problems.” Like my problems aren’t real? But this is what I think. Cause I am DORK. I don’t know why I am like that. I think the same thing about the pews though. “They are for families.” Um, family of five??? *ROLLS EYES* Don’t ask, I don’t understand me either.
Our stake president is shiny new. We got him in like November. October? At any rate… you get the idea. LOL I just keep hoping maybe a miracle will happen and he’ll be inspired.
President Hinckley is so wise. He makes it sound so evil. But you are right. *SIGH*
I hope I’m doing good. I’m trying. But i know I have my issues. I’m trying to work through them. My worry is how long do I have to do the thing I’m a dork and keep forgetting to do. Though my bishop knows me and he knows my reasons why I am a dork and forget so maybe he’ll be more understanding and also realize since I flat out told him once… if I’m doing it now that means something. Yeah that made a heck of a lot of sense. LOL
I’m plowing! I’m plowing! Somewhere I think I’m going to end up with corn. HAHA
You are totally right. WHenever I go back, be it May in Mesa or 2020… I’ll smack myself upside the head and go “Duh, look what i was missing”
I just see how I get feeling like nails on the chalkboard sometimes so that’s why I worry. *SIGH*
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gauvaine said:
Re: Yeah the crazy LJ threading 😉
Less worry, more confidence. Don’t make this too complicated. You’ll be fine, no matter what you decide. I’m going to leave it up to you to decide the what’s and how’s and why’s and when’s. Just know that you are supported and the Lord loves you and wants you to do the best thing. Not the good thing or the easy thing or the logical thing, but the best thing. And you know what that is.
On a side note, I got my hometeaching done tonight and got really inspired visiting an Elder who works three jobs, has two kids, is divorced and has to share custody with his wife. His teenage son is taking the car without permission, failing school, hanging out with bad people and stopped going to church. The brother was so thankful for us visiting and gave a very moving, spritual closing prayer and told us he was still reading his scriptures, wearing his garments, and praying and was thankful for us. I”m glad we stopped by because it is almost impossible being able to nail this guy down for an appointment. He is always working.
I’m glad we checked a second time to see if he was home. He was very moved and I could feel the spirit.
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Lady Ozma said:
Re: Yeah the crazy LJ threading 😉
I don’t know… I think I must love complications! Or being irrational. What is it with us crazy people doing this to ourselves? HAHA
I’ll see what happens over the next few weeks. That’ll probably answer a lot of questions. I’m working on the preparations…
Great deal on the HT! Woot! Wow, what a story with that guy!!!!
HT/VT is one of the best things. Of course, I don’t get VT. My VTing is at 50%. I’ve a sister that my companion and I can never get to ring us back. *SIGH*
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gauvaine said:
Re: Yeah the crazy LJ threading 😉
Well, my hometeaching companion was hoping I would forget we were going out. I had to call him to remind him and he had just gotten home, hadn’t eaten, and his wife was sick, but we went out anyway and I’m glad we did. I delivered the Ensign message and gave them Girl Scout cookies.
I have no clue who my HT people are. I haven’t seen anyone in a year. I keep asking or if they can actually assign someone and I don’t get a response back. I mean, even the bishop has people come and home teach him. Just because you’re active and have a leadership position and go to the temple and do things doesn’t exempt you from wanting your HT to come by. You never know when you need help painting a room or putting up a fence or giving a blessing to someone. Of course, they tell me to go and ask my HT to come by and set up a time, to goose them and get them on the ball. It hasn’t worked so far.
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gauvaine said:
Re: Yeah the crazy LJ threading 😉
As an addendum, Rachel’s VT ALWAYS come by, every month, like clockwork. They always have a message and bread or some kind of goody for her. The kids love them and even the dog, which is amazing, because she doesn’t like too many people.
I’m jealous. I want cookies. I want bread. I want homemade jam. It’s not fair.
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Lady Ozma said:
Re: Yeah the crazy LJ threading 😉
Oy your poor companion. Hope that his wife gets better! Sounds like a good trip out. I vote you are my new HTer. I want girl scout cookies! *GRINS* (Those demons haven’t set up their tables to hawk their crack laced cookies yet here.) (And before you think bad of my HT, he actually made it in January and came with a homemade pie! YUM.)
I hear ya. I haven’t been so lucky with visiting teachers in the last… um… decade. OK, since college. I had a great VT in college. But you are right. Also, I’ve been inactive… and I really could have used both VT and HT then. (We could not attend due to Caramon having cancer. If we did, he’d end up in the hospital. The SP said stop going. LOL) I mean ugh. But we had absolutely no communication from the Bishopric at all. Actually of any priesthood. We got ONE visit right at the start from the EQ president and that was it. Two years later we started going ot church again and it was like ‘Who are all you people.” LOL
I asked my HT at Stake Conference two weeks ago if he would come over. Every time I see him in the halls actually I mention when he might like to come by. Hasn’t worked yet. I’ll let you know when it does so you can know what the magic phrase is 😉
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Lady Ozma said:
Re: Yeah the crazy LJ threading 😉
Mmmm I like Rachel’s VT. One day maybe I’ll be a VT like that. My one sister that I do get, mostly it’s just via email and whatnot. She is a homeschooling mom of 10 and her husband works out of state during the week and only comes home on the weekend. Nailing that woman down would take an act of congress. ROFL.
See, you’d like my husband. He’s always getting me to make him stuff. Now he gets the other problem of he is constantly chasing his families and they will never let him come over. For Christmas he was like, “Enough’s enough.” He packaged up their gifts (nighttime picture of the Temple at Christmas that I took) and the message and treats and gave them out at church the week of Christmas and called it 100%. LOL
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gauvaine said:
Re: Yeah the crazy LJ threading 😉
The funny thing is, one of the elders I home teach is supposed to be my HT, and hasn’t come to church in weeks because he’s working 7 days a week. He’s a contractor/construction guy. Of course, that is how it starts. His attendance has been very spotty the last year.
At first, your work keeps you from coming to church because you are working on Sundays and need to keep your job. Then you stop going to any activities because you are tired and don’t have any free time. Then you stop going even when you don’t have to work and have free time. Then all of a sudden you are inactive and don’t want to go back to church because it’s easier to sleep in, have an extra free day, and not have to deal with paying tithing, sacrificing time and effort and putting up with reading scriptures and all that foofy spiritual stuff.
I can see the patterns, because it happened to me. We were doing great for 4 years, almost, and I started a stretch where I was working alot of overtime. Church got put on the backburner. Then we moved into another ward where we didn’t know anybody and just didn’t go. That’s all it took.
That elder we visited last night wanted to make it clear that he wasn’t inactive. He still read his scriptures, still kept his temple promises, still was trying to keep his family together and focused and that his testimony was strong. He just had to work all the time because of trying to still pay for his house and the upkeep of everything after his wife left. Single parents in the church have a very hard time, so Noelle is right on that. He said he didn’t have any friends at church and had no one to talk to except us, his HT’s. I felt completely bad. My talk a few weeks ago was on how we needed to talk to people, be more aware of their problems and be more friendly and attentive because when you ignore people, they get lonely and stop going to church.
So, I need to talk to the bishop and Elder’s quorum president and see if we can help this guy out. I feel responsible for his well being. But I don’t know how to Feed My Lambs. That was the message for this month. How do I do that? He’s tried to keep his son in line and nothing is working. And he’s working three sometimes four jobs just to make ends meet. He has a house and office cleaning business. He is a personal trainer and fitness instructor for a gym. He teaches a spinning class. He does whatever he has to do to keep his family afloat.
As an aside, he is Hispanic and we are about the whitest ward you could possibly get, with the exception of a few native american’s in our ward. There used to be a spanish branch, but it got absorbed into another ward because there wasn’t enough people to make it work. So, he has no one he can bond with on that level. I’ll have to think about this, I guess. I am his HT. I’m responsible for him and his family. That’s the way I see it, anyway.
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Lady Ozma said:
Re: Yeah the crazy LJ threading 😉
You are so right. It’s an easy pattern to get into. I think that’s why we are constantly counseled to try to keep the Sabbath holy. I mean there are just some jobs where you have no choice. There needs to be someone there/on call. Both my sons were born on Sunday, so I am thankful for that. HAHAHA Once you miss one week it suddenly becomes two and before you know it two years has gone by. All because you said “Well I was fine last week when I ditched church for blahblahblah.”
It is especially hard if you move. When you don’t know anyone and you haven’t been going it’s just so much easier to not go and have to make new friends and do the whole introduction thing. I’ve moved enough. LOL
I think it is great that you are looking out for this brother and his family. You are right, it is hard being a single parent. I will pray that he finds ways to keep things going and that he can figure out what to do for his son.
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gauvaine said:
Re: Yeah the crazy LJ threading 😉
Thinking about this, I’m going to have to talk to the Elder’s quorum president. No brother should think they are alone and that their ward doesn’t care about them. It makes me sick to my stomach that he thinks that he has no friends.
We need to plan an activity or do something to make him feel more included, like clean his house or bring some food over or something. Girl Scout cookies seems kind of pithy now.
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Lady Ozma said:
Re: Yeah the crazy LJ threading 😉
That’s a good idea. I know he’s single, but maybe the RS president should know. There might be some compassionate service that can be done. YOu know? Even if it’s nothing major but someone brings a snack over. I dont’ know. LOL You know? Whatever.
I think you have some good ideas. Maybe you could have some people come over, clean up, bring a few freezer meals in to make dinner time easier, and just kind of do a big huge “welcome to the ward’ sort of thing even though they’ve been in the ward a while. You know?
Also make sure he’s got this new Ensign. The one for March. They are set up to have lots of copies of that because they really want people to have it.
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