I have not blogged about this but now I’m going to. Several of you that I IM already know about it.
This is friends only for probably obvious reasons… obvious once you read this.
Apparently my posting about our last trip to NJ was read by my inlaws. All my inlaws. My SIL, Renee, went totally ballistic. Well I decided to just ignore her because she and I have been back and forth and back and forth. Sometimes things go well. Sometimes not. Sometimes she’s a total peach. And sometimes she’s… well not.
So I thought it was just her. So I decided she was probably just misreading things or just being in one of her pain moods.
Well I was very worried about Sir Megabyte’s trip this week for fear that he’d get chewed out and stuff. Well I hadn’t heard anything so I figured maybe not.
Turns out I was wrong. He talked to me today. He said that he was glad he went back and read before talking to me, but he almost chewed me out.
Apparently my FIL and Step-MIL also got upset. Ok, now this I don’t get. I mean maybe my SIL but why them? But on Friday when I was excited about going up they thought I was being sarcastic and didn’t want to go. And then they thought I didn’t want to do anything with them. Apparantely some things were said between them and my husband that leads him to believe they don’t see me the same way he does and stuff.
So, I’m left with trying to figure out what to do.
I have already deleted the link for my personal blog from my website. Which is apparently how my inlaws discovered my blog.
None of them are all that computer savvy. I know they don’t understand why I even have a website let alone why I decide to put my journal on the web. I don’t think any of them realize that this is my personal journal either, and therefor well… preaching to the choir there aren’t I?
Apparently they misread a lot of stuff. Like they thought I didn’t want to go to NJ since I said something like “woohoo NJ”. No I mean that like “woohoo! I’m excited!” They thought that I was upset about SIL’s husband when frankly I was happy for him and relieved on many counts. One that I got a breather for a change. It can be tiring to answer the same question about Caramon’s health 1000 times. I do it and I don’t mind but sometimes it is just nice not to! People ask because they care. I appreciate that and thank all of you and all of those who do care and ask. But at the same time, ahhhh break! I was releaved also because I felt that the BIL deserved more attention. He was more recently sick. And frankly, I’ve had issues in the past with said SIL being mad that I took any attention for similar things to what she was going through. So I knew this way I wasn’t going to deal with that either. But most of all, I was happy and excited every time I heard her be so positive and hear her positive words about his prognosis! I’m thrilled that he’s doing better and am happy that she gets to have not just one more day but what looks like months and years and decades with him! There were other things too.
So I guess first is does anyone here think I ever say anything inappropriate or something they think should be friends only or private? I’d like your guys opinions on my journal entries.
I’d also like what to hear your thoughts on what you think I should do in this case. Should I go friends only? I never really thought that I said anything that would warrant “protecting” or “hiding” myself. I don’t even have any other ideas… What would you guys do?
Do you think that maybe my SIL did go off on her tangent and thus tainted my FIL and his wife so they went ot my journal expecting it to be negative and so read it that way?
Sir Megabyte and I discussed what to do. He doesn’t think I need to make things private, not totally. But he did advise me to be careful. He also said he doesn’t understand what their problem was and that he’s kind of annoyed that they would just automatically assume that everything I said was negative. He did think I should take the link off our website so I did.
Anyway… what do you guys think? Thanks in advance. And ((HUGS)) in advance.
Lady Ozma's Journey 
dani_ellie said:
Oh, yuck. I hate when ugly friend/family drama happens inadvertently.
I’ve dealt with it by making only certain posts friends-only. Most of the ones I lock are the ones which are sensitive to me, emotionally. The others were me complaining about certain members of my family, which got locked just so it wouldn’t accidentally get found.
When my sister got an LJ, I created a special filter and left her off of it. That way, I could still write about hard things/family stuff (like all the stuff about my dad) without any of it getting back to my family.
As for what happened with you guys, I really don’t know, as I don’t know any of you well enough to be able to determine everyone’s state of mind. My suggestion is friends-lock anything about recaps of visits (I also do that after I’ve gotten together with a group of friends and I write the recaps). That way, you can still get your thoughts out without worrying about people misconstruing what you’re saying. 🙂
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Lady Ozma said:
Blah drama
I swear I felt like I was on LJ Drama or something.
I’m debating that as well… just locking the posts about going to visit. But then I wondered… what if they go “Hmmm she didn’t post anything about her visit with us… I wonder why.” I mean apparently certain elements *cough sil cough* already want to believe the worst in me. Sooo.
But I kid you not… when I announced I was pregnant with my oldest son, she threw a tantrum because she was about 6 weeks further into her first (well only) pregnancy and thought I was going to take the spotlight off of her even though I was a whole state away. It is because of this that I was relieved that people didn’t really talk to me about caramon. Last thing I wanted to hear was her tantrum that we took the spotlight off of her husband. Now yes, Caramon did just hit a red letter day (the two year mark) but frankly I’d rather let her and her husband take the attention they deserve.
Anyway… thanks for your thoughts. I don’t know how I feel about this whole thing. Especially because I didn’t think I said anything all that bad about anyone or anything and I thought it was clear I was happy to be going up to NJ and see some family members we hadn’t seen since 1998/1999. Let them see the kids. Let them see Caramon since he got better from his illness. Let Caramon see them since he got better from his illness and let Joram meet/see people he hadn’t seen since he was a baby and probably doesn’t even remember.
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clueliss said:
(((oz))))
IMHO you SIl is pissing in her Wheaties if I may be so bold. Ignore her. To avoid said Wheatie pissing in future, private/friends only anything you post regarding them in future.
I set things to private of custom quite a bit, mainly because I’m aware of peeps without LJ’s who read my journal and I lock stuff up to keep them from reading sensitive material. I also lock up my writing stuff because I don’t want just anyone wandering upon it and “borrowing” my stuff – paranoid? Me? you bet!
Personally, I feel like I’ve gotten to know you SO MUCH from reading your journal. Don’t let someone who has sour grapes get you down.
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Lady Ozma said:
Re: (((oz))))
I’ve been going through the last month and making some entries private. Not that I think there’s anything in them, but they are anything of anywhere near “questionable” natures to publicity.
Frankly, when I thought it was just her I was after a worriesome couple of days over wondering if she hated me or what, decided to let her do whatever. Frankly she and I have been back and forth too many times that I lost count. For whatever reason she is just very touchy with me.
But after hearing that my FIL and his wife were also upset it got me really worried. I just don’t know what to think.
If it were just her I’d say “Bah screw her” and keep on keeping on. But now I’m all stressed out and worried and wondering if I totally suck or if I come off wrong or what.
And by the way, I feel I’ve gotten to know you from your journal as well. I look forward to your entries… all of them! Can I just say that I think you are awesome? And well, shamelessly throwing stuff to inflate your head… when I read any of your writings it blows me away. You are really talented. I don’t blame you for being paranoid… you have some good stuff! If my stuff was that good, I’d be paranoid too! 🙂
The biggest trouble I have is how do I know what to make private? I mean apparently there was offense at stuff that I didn’t think ANYTHING was at all negative. *SIGH*
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sircaliban said:
sorry this is so long..
um.. yuck..
I know I haven’t been making too many public posts lately.. heck I haven’t been making very posts overall.. but I’ve been too busy.. way too busy.. and sometimes a person has to make some tough decisions. It has been important for me to focus on work and to make every effort to make sure that things go smoothly.
There are some thoughts I’d like to throw your way.. and maybe it will help you figure out what you need to do about the situation.
You can’t make everyone happy. As a christian, we are told to love others (strangers) as we love ourselves. And so if we do follow Christ’s example, we want everyone to be happy.. which is a side effect of the ‘golden’ rule. But we also have to realize that christ didn’t do things to make people happy.. but he did things because he loved people. And ultimately he did those things because he wanted us to make wise choices about our lives.. and our future in all eternity.
Remember it’s not about you.. and it’s not about me.
So I guess that’s the first thing. I kind of remember this because of the quote by Honest Abe. ..”You can fool some of the people all of the time, and all of the people some of the time, but you can not fool all of the people all of the time.” In my mixed of mind.. the logic is the same.. you’ll be able to make some of the people happy all of the time.. you’ll be able to make all of the people happy some of the time.. but you’ll never be able to make all of the people happy all of the time.
now secondly.. (if that wasn’t enough).. there’s something I’ve learned in english class way back when.. and that is.. a good author.. or a good public speaker.. always knows their audience. As an LJ’er.. I write the stuff I write for myself.. it helps me organize my thoughts and gets things off my chest that I wouldn’t normally say outloud all the time.. I also use it so friends can keep appraised as to ‘important’ aspects of my life.. It boils down to this.. I wouldn’t walk up to a stranger and discuss my situation at work. For one thing, I don’t know how the stranger would react.. but the reason for the communication and the relationship between me as the story teller and you as the reader is something everyone should be aware of. Someone might read that last sentence and think that I am telling a story..(and therefor have no truth.) in a way.. my lj is my story.. the facts as I see it.. but intermixed into that story is feelings.. feelings that I am having. and feelings the readers are going to have.
What basically happened here.. is you have someone that has apparently always needed to be the center of attention. And basically found out about the lj.. (not that you kept it a secret)… but used that information to say.. look.. see.. she’s talking about us. She’s GOSSIPING about us. And then she went and Gossiped to others to restore her to the center of attention and put you on the defensive.
The real problem is.. what is done is done.. the cats out of the bag. they all huddled around the computer screen.. and read into things.. and have formed opinions.. without accepting your point of view.
I think you have options..
a) shut down this blog..
b) shut down this blog and start a new one with a new lj id and delete this one.
c) understand that the audience has just grown to include your sil, fil and mil. and become aware of how they might take something you write.
d) filter/friends only when you need to vent
e) say.. this is my journal.. I don’t care what anyone else thinks.
Personally I don’t like a or b. ‘e’ comes accross as too much ‘screw’ you type of attitude for me..
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Lady Ozma said:
Re: sorry this is so long..
I think you nailed it on the head with both your main points of happiness and the center of attention.
I definately know that the SIL in question has hated when I’ve drawn attention away from her. She’s as much as admitted it when we were pregnant at the same time. Apparently her pregnancy was HER time to shine… uh.. ok. Sorry I ruined that by getting pregnant too. Understand my fear that people would ask about Caramon and she not get to be the center with what her husband has gone through.
I have been debating shutting down my blog or going to friends only and I don’t like either of thsoe options.
Frankly I am of the opinion of E… it’s my journal so who cares… but of course I lead back to point 1… I want people to be happy and I want to be liked. So therefor I can’t just say “screw you”
I guess my biggest problem is how to tell when I’m saying something they are going to find negative. I know I have vented in here but no one has ever said anything about it until now. And frankly some of the stuff I said I didn’t even think was venting but my just relating my day and then apparently that being taken the wrong way.
I have been pouring over my entries and cannot find anywhere that it looks like I was being sarcastic about being happy to be going to Jersey which was one thing that was brought up. I mean what the heck?
So how do you write what you want to write and make sure that it is totally not going to be taken wrongly when you can’t figure out where they are taking things wrongly from to begin with…
I think I’ll end up doing some kind of combination of c/d… I’ve already goen through and made some past posts friends only. The damage is probably done, but I figured these posts were a little too close to anything possible maybe questionable so I slapped them Friends Only.
I do wonder if she ever kept even a diary tucked between her mattress and box spring. Maybe not. If not, maybe that is why she doesn’t understand chronicalling ones day.
Of course it could just be that she’s a total creep who hates me and just wants to make my life miserable and draw all the attention away from me and to her.
The more I think about it the more I am thinking that my FIL and step MIL only got the wrong idea because they were tainted by my SIL’s rantings. Perhaps if they had read it fresh with no previous misconceptions it would have been different. I do not know.
My biggest fear is that I am in some way making these people to sound like horrible people I hate to visit and want nothing to do with because they are just aweful.. because I do not mean too. I don’t feel that way at all but that’s how I felt like they were taking things.
Ugh…
It doesn’t help that none of them are very internet/computery so I think they are probably also just put off by the whole blog and what the heck that is thing. I mean I heard about it and thought “What a cool concept!” but I’m a weirdo who thinks just about everything new on the net is cool 😉
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gauvaine said:
Re: sorry this is so long..
In-laws, unfortunately, always see what they want to see. Some are kewl, some are okay, and some are mediocre. If they are just looking for things to harass you about, i’d lock my posts i don’t want them to see. However, you never say anything remotely bad or derogatory, so i don’t see what the point would be.
They have the problem. Not you. Just continue what you’re doing. If you feel you’re going to get flamed for something in RL that you write here, lock it. But don’t deflect posting your feelings and thoughts here on something, because you need that conduit. We all do.
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dani_ellie said:
Re: Blah drama
*blinks* Okay, wow. Seems like the SIL is a little prima donna. Ugh.
If it’s any consolation, I never read your posts as being anything less than sincere. As for wondering what to filter and what not to? That’s hard. I’m of the mind that if there’s any doubt whatsoever, lock it. If there’s the concern that the in-laws are going to be all, “And now she’s not even writing anything about coming to see us!”, make a token little, “Went to visit the in-laws today. Had a blast!” type post, and then recap in greater detail under a lock. 🙂
And, because I don’t think I said it before: congrats on the two-year! From me and Prue. 😉
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Lady Ozma said:
Re: sorry this is so long..
I think it is them. I really do not understand what I said wrong. Baaaaah!
I agree I do need a conduit.
The thing I fear is that now how will I post? Will I constantly be worried that they will read something and twist and stuff no matter how innocent it sounds? And if I don’t post what will they say then? “Why didn’t Ozma post anything”
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Lady Ozma said:
Re: Blah drama
Well I was warned that SIL was a bit of a snit when I first met her. I don’t get her issues.
I’ll have to figure out something I suppose… Thanks for commenting on my posts. I try to be sincere and write the way things are and didn’t realize I ever sounded crappy or anything. Well unless i have PMS and then I usually say something 😉
And thanks… from me to you AND Prue! Prue’s a wonderful guardian wiccan angel!! ((HUGS))
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minky1973 said:
Here’s my opinion!
The only person that you should worry about is your husband. You don’t have to answer to any of the others.
It’s apparent to me that he knows you better than they do because he wasn’t upset once he read your journal. This will be a learning experience for the both of you.
There was nothing wrong written in your journal and he realizes that. You should hide nothing. His family needs to understand that he supports you in this, and the SIL needs to realize that she’s one of very few that misunderstood the situation. It seems to me that she’s looking for trouble. I think I’d be avoiding her from here on out.
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swampfaye said:
You know some of those crazy quizes I post on my LJ? Well, my In Laws told Ken that I wanted to sleep with my best friends boyfriend (because of one of the quizes) – It was insane.
Ken just has to stop talking to his sisters about me – and I think it’s a good idea if maybe Sir Megabite stops talking to his family about you. The new rule for Ken is when I come up he says “I don’t feel like discussing this with you.” End of Line.
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swampfaye said:
Re: sorry this is so long..
BTW- Ken has asked me NOT to vent about him on LJ – I told him there was no way I WOULDN”T vent, but if things were going well, I wouldn’t HAVE anything to vent about and it would all just be stupid stuff. Anyway, I put ANYTHING remotely related to ken on friends only (actually I put it on “select” friends, just in case – leaving Ken out as well, because it hurts his feelings to see I’ve writen it)
Sometimes I wonder if it’s okay to vent – and you know – I’d much rather vent on the LJ than to my friends at church, because I think that venting to them might actually get around MORE and prejudice them MORE against Ken than if I just stuck to internet friends (some who are local and still see Ken). It’s safer that way, for him – don’t you think?
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clueliss said:
Re: (((oz))))
regarding your FIL and his wife – if she is around them much at all and was ranting about things, she probably influenced and biased them. It sounds like they haven’t necessarily taken the time to get to know you – or to bother to ask you what you really menat but just jumped to a conclustion – likely based on her ranting and raving to them about you. If it were me – I would make anything related to any of them, or new jersey and such private. If they can’t see anything about themselves in there they can’t accuse you of things.
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lilangelem88 said:
i’ve been through this before, if you don’t remember. My cousin in law found my journal, and printed it, and highlighted stuff to show my parents…she’s 256, how immature is that? so i had to put it to friends only, and take it out of my profile on aim. It’s just so dumb, it’s your journal, and yes i did somethign things when i was babysitting that i should of told someone, but w…my parents didn’t care that much, i just can’t use the computer at the house i babysit for (my other cousin) becasue tracy (my cousin in law) thinks i’m usuing to it to talk to people that i don’t know, blah blah…i don’t think it’s any of her business (i wasn’t) but w./e…she’s dumb. I agree with what you did, and you shoudl maake all yoru entries friends only, that’s what i had to go and do…blah. <3!!!
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Lady Ozma said:
Re: Here’s my opinion!
I avoid her anyway… makes my life easier. Guess I’ll just be more well… obvious about it instead of just being lazy.
Maybe you are right, I need to be more like the reed. As long as my husband is happy, I should be happy right?
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Lady Ozma said:
Oh geeze..
Glad I never came up in one of those.. did I come up in one of those? I’d hate for some dunderhead to think that I wanted to steal your panties or I really am your stalker or the plethora of dorkiness that those quizzes are filled with. Those quizzes are fun and are totally goofy… and have no basis in reality whatsoever… gaaaaah!
Hmmm, wait, so far your plan sounds the best… so he just doesn’t talk to his family at all about you or he just refuses to listen to anything negative or what? I know you’ve posted that your inlaws well… yeah… anyway… now I’m curious…
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Lady Ozma said:
Re: sorry this is so long..
Hmmm you are probably right about the whole LJ vs RL people. First off we all know that sometimes you just need to unload and then you are better and life can go on. And we also, since we are fellow journalers, know to take everything with a grain of salt. We understand you are expressing current feelings that may or may not represent your true regular feelings.
Meanwhile, since the majority of us will mostly likely never meet the people you write about, such as your husband, it protects him. Sure a bunch of strangers might see said person as this or that… but it is better than walking into a store and being hit by someone with a handbag because they heard you ranting about him.
ANd let’s face it no matter what, using him as an example, he’ll be screwed if you talk about him to RL people. EIther they will come away thinking he’s a total jerk because you ragged on him or they will think he’s too good and be jealous their spouse isn’t like that if you ramble about something good.
Does that make any sense?
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Lady Ozma said:
Re: (((oz))))
Well she lives in TN, but I know she rings them up and stuff so I’m thinking that’s probably what happened. She read and got upset because she’s just that type of person. Then she called and complained and blabbed and whined and what have you. So they go in thinking “Gosh Ozma is such a jerk” and read and just were predisposed to thinking this stuff.
But apparently they haven’t taken the time to get to know me. Sir M thought that was obvious since they jumped to these conclusions. And he was rather upset that they felt that way about me. I am his wife and he loves me and he doesn’t like people thinking ill of me.
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Lady Ozma said:
Oh. My. Gosh.
I totally remember that and how dumb that whole thing was.
ANd now I’m apparently going through it too.
I just don’t understand why people have to be like this. Especially since I don’t think anything you ever did was wrong or anything either.
People just want to ruin a good thing for other people I suppose.
If I go friends only, does that mean that she wins? And can I live with myself if she wins? Especially since she is sure to make mention of it and dig it and grind it and bask in the glory of it? She’s that sort.
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swampfaye said:
Re: Oh geeze..
If they start talking about me, he says “I am not going to talk to you about this” or somesuch. Yeah, they want to tell him what an evil witch I am and I’m just using him. He also pointedly avoids people/family that he knows will try to convince him that I am just a horrid person. He has managed to get his mother to stop talking about me by telling her that “she is my wife and I’m determined to make things good between us.” (I am taking him at his word about this) But his sisters still talk trash about me and he just says “I’m not going to talk to you about this” etc.
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lilangelem88 said:
Re: Oh. My. Gosh.
hmm…i know what you mean..
i don’t know what i would do if i was in your situation….going friends only, by what you just said, would mean that she wins, cause if she tries to find it again, and doesn’t succeed, she’ll know that she brought you down, which isn’t good. So don’t go friends only, write what you want, say what you want, post what you want, it’s your journal, i don’t nkow why people should take this kind of stuff from people when it’s your journal.
sometimes people who want to get in other peoples business, and just can’t read about it, and have to tell other people, ANNOY ME!
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Lady Ozma said:
Re: Oh geeze..
Hmmm I might talk to Sir M about this option as well. Maybe make it for both sides. Not that my parents say anything bad about him.. other than mum and I kidding about his food thing…
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Lady Ozma said:
Re: Oh. My. Gosh.
me too! totally annoyed.
I’m starting to be of the opinion she can just get over it. Frankly this isn’t the first time she’s done stuff like this and probably won’t be the last.
I think I’ll just try to make certain posts friends only and then she won’t know about them. But still the blog will be there and she can read the rest of the drivel.
Frankly my life is rather dull so why she gets off on reading about it and then twisting it is just beyond me!
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