(This is another in my series of *Bob* entries. I completely forgot I had this one! Read on!)
Starving College Student Turmoil
It’s me, again. I have some distressing news. It would appear that my professor was quite unamused by my entries on fixing conferences and basketweaving. Hard to believe, isn’t it? What’s a starving college student to do?
Staving… I’m serious. I can’t remember the last time I had a good meal. I’ve lost twenty pounds. My clothes hang off my skeletal frame, but I can’t afford new ones. I’m thinking about turning to a life of crime! If I get caught, I’ll get three squares a day in prison. Man, that sounds good right now.
I’m waiting for cheques from my new business regarding fixing conferences to roll in. Any day now I expect to find riches beyond my every dream as I aid others in creating the very best conferences on earth. Until I find myself filthy, stinking rich however, I find myself forced to subsist on peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.
Now, I like PB&J, don’t get me wrong. But, three meals a day for a week? Seems a little extreme. However, it’s cheap and fast. Given that I live in a dorm room with no way to prepare much else combined with a serious lack of funds, it seems my only real option. However, my bread is about gone and I don’t know what I’ll do next.
Plus, it got boring real quick.
I know, I couldn’t believe it either!!! How on earth could the glories of a good PB&J get boring? Lo around sandwich five, I wondered if I could eat another peanut butter and jelly. By sandwich eight, it became a testament of wills. My will to not completely and utterly starve to death.
So, I got creative. First, I tried toasting the bread. This did little to affect much, other than adding to the crunchy. Peanut butter is crunchy enough already. It went downhill from there.
I’ve started noticing some distressing signs in my health. I’m worried as I’ve come to the following conclusion.
Either I’m developing scurvy from malnutrition or I’ve developed an allergy to peanuts from eating so much peanut butter.
Does anyone know if you can seriously eat so much peanut butter in a short amount of time that your body develops an allergy to it? I don’t think I can afford to go into anaphalactic shock.
Or should I worry of the possible chance that like so many pirates before me, I’m suffering from scurvy?
Argh matey, I be signing off.
Originally posted on ladyozma.vox.com