Since this week Mama Nature declared all out war on the Commonwealth of Virginia, especially here in Fredericksburg. I figured we needed an Emergency Preparedness plan for the Epic Natural Disaster Smack-Down.

Who will you place your bets for this week? Mama Nature or the Commonwealth of Virginia?

Currently people seem a wee bit concerned. Gee, I don’t know why? Not much happened this week. Just a crazy 5.9 magnitude earthquake, random tropical storm force winds coming from the west (um, the MOUNTAINS? weird!!!!), and now we’re battening down the hatches for Hurricane Irene.

All in all, just your average weekend. Quiet and all that.

Never one to disappoint, I am here to save the day. Hurricanes can seem really super scary. Look at how big they seem on The Weather Channel! They eat up several states with their thick clouds. Eeeek! We’re all gonna die!

Not so much. It is hurricane season. We usually get at least one fun storm a year if not more, though typically by the hit the Northern Virginia area we only deal with tropical storm forces.

What’s that mean? Eh, mostly lots of wind and lots of rain. Sometimes we get a batch of tornadoes. Nothing like some tornadoes to get your blood pumping. (Or an earthquake. I’m just saying.)

Why are people freaking out? No clue. Probably just the stress from the other stuff.

A wise man once said:

…the only thing we have to fear is fear itself.

(So said wise man was FDR. I’ll save the obligatory history lecture for another time.)

Seriously, just prepare and you will fare well. Especially when it’s a Cat 3 and you happen to mega inland.

(I will NOT leave the obligatory science lesson for another time. Simple science here. A storm powered by water loses power once it hits land. Got it?)

So here I am with your E-Prep check list to survive things like hurricanes. It isn’t rocket science, people!

Epic Natural Disaster Smack-down Survival

1. Buy your body weight in bread and milk – Really, I haven’t a clue why. Just everyone does it and you should ABSOLUTELY jump off that bridge if everyone else is jumping.
2. Store 83 packages of Raman Noodles. Raman Noodles are crazy easy to make, they come in multiple flavors, and they cost next to nothing. Cheap food storage. It’s just an emergency. You can survive on it for a few days if you need to shut yourself in.
3. Store 6 packs of tampons. I don’t care if you are a dude or no longer get your monthly visitor. Tampons are like gold. You can trade for anything if you have a tampon and an emergency is going on. Women need these things and they will trade their first-born and a home cooked meal if you can provide a tampon. *Note: A box of maxi pads is great for cleaning up blood after your window blows in and cuts you. I’m just saying.*
4. Never live without a package of water bottles. How simple do you need to get? You’re randomly thirsty and happen to have no clean dishes because the kids epic failed at their chores, it’s 122 degrees outside because DC decided to try to simulate living on the sun, zombie apocalypse broke out overnight, or the random epic natural disaster smack-down commences.
5. Don’t panic. Grab a towel. (Earth is classified as “Mostly Harmless” after all.)
6. Make friends with a boy scout. Seriously, “Be Prepared” is their motto. They have all shelter building, fire starting, knife in the pocket mad dog skills to hook you up in event of major issues like your roof flying by and lodging in a tree two days before the hurricane.
7. Pack a good book. Why would you not have one anyway? This was just to make sure you were still awake. (Solar power charger for your kindle garners you bonus points.)
8. Don’t get out of bed for anything less than a Category 4. Hey, if those snooty Californian move-ins can scoff at our 5.8/5.9 earthquake, then we can scoff at their weak storm. Besides, it’s all about the psych-out and the smack-talk.
9. Invest in some high quality ear plugs. I’m thinking noise-canceling. After getting trapped in the house all day for three days, kids get whiney and bratty. If you think they are cute and want them to keep living, you need something to help keep your sanity.
10. When all else fails, build an ark. It worked for Noah!