Please ignore if you don’t care, it came across my email and I just thought this was a HOOT and a half!!
The Mormon Barbie
In celebration of Barbie’s 40th birthday, Mattel has created a
Mormon Barbie for the folks in Utah. The most popular, Celestial Barbie, comes with 8.4 children. She wears a mid-calf flower print Laura Ashley dress with conservative flats (no heels), a bow in her flowing shoulder-length hair, with puffy bangs. Barbie wears a permanent smile and comes with her own bread making machine, store of wheat, list of ways to feed a family of 12 on less than $200 a week, casserole recipes, and year’s supply of green Jell-O. Also available MAV (Dodge/Ford/Nissan/whatever mini-van, otherwise known as a Mormon Assault Vehicle). When you pull the cord in her back she sheds real tears and says, “You have such a special spirit, Sister,” and “Love ya.” Occasionally you can find one that says “Oh, my heck!” but this is a manufacturer’s defect. Celestial Barbie would never say “heck.”
You can buy a Celestial Ken to go with Celestial Barbie, but he’s hard to find. (he’s always off fulfilling some priesthood calling, so he’s rarely home.)
Other Special LDS Barbies include:
RM Barbie – This somewhat dumpy Barbie comes with your choice of a BYU or Ricks sweatshirt and mini computer, and bears her testimony in a foreign language.
Homemaking Leader Barbie – Comes with a wide assortment of miniature crafts, bird houses, family home evening charts and Christmas ornaments, all of them un-finished.
Primary President Barbie – Not very popular, since this one has no hair. Pull her cord and she sings “Popcorn Popping on the Apricot Tree,” “Give Said the Little Stream,” and says “Heavenly Father wouldn’t like that now would He,” as she folds her arms to remind everyone to be reverent.
RS Presidency Barbies – Sold in sets of three, these Barbies come complete with their own agenda! Also included are mini telephones which come attached to their ears. Batteries required, as these busy little numbers never stop running. No shutoff buttons.
YW Leader Barbie – Comes dressed for camp with all necessary equipment, including enough insect repellent for everyone. She has a permanent frazzled expression on her face. Bishop Ken also available in camping attire.
YW Skippers – Laurels, Mia Maids, and Beehives, all cute as buttons, dressed in flannel nighties for the sleep over. One piece swimsuits and knee length shorts outfits also available.
Nursery Leader Barbie – This frazzled, smiling Barbie talks in her own baby like voice and comes with an assortment of babies and toddlers, storybooks, toys, and a supply of disposable diapers. Be careful, however, on Sundays after church, all this one wants to do is sleep.
Organist Barbie – Has rimmed glasses and comes with her very own spiral bound hymnal. Every hymn played 3 times slower then the intended speed. Sits only–in position to play, with arms bent and fingers extended. Piano also available.
Chorister Barbie – right arm permanently raised to a moving square. Sings seven hymns. Flabby arms jiggle with each movement. Batteries required.
Visiting Teaching Barbies – Sold in sets of two, this is a true collector’s item as each set has its own recorded message. Comes with supply of message handouts and plates of birthday and Christmas cookies.
Stake Leader Barbie – comes with a voluminous set of mini leadership manuals but nobody knows her name because you never see her at any Relief Society functions.
Salt Lake Leader Barbie- White hair in a hurricane do!
Also available: Priesthood leader husband Ken who sits permanently asleep on the stand. Eyes do not open. Snores. Batteries required.
that description would fit for Nazarene Barbie as well – dying in silent laughter here as I’m at work.
Thanks for sharing!
Lady Ozma said:
Bwahahahahaha Glad you enjoyed it.
I died laughing reading this. Of course I’m LDS so I get all the “inside” jokes but I think some of it can definately cross over!!
I now return you to your regularly boring life…