Time for a Caramon heme-onc appointment.
Ugh. I dread making this phone call. I dread the appointment. The rest of the time? I can pretend I have a normal healthy child. But this just reminds me… no I have a child who was very sick. And I fear… what if he gets sick again? Especially right now with so much OTHER turmoil in my life and his life. we’ve got the crazy life going on. And then that? Mega crazy.
May 17th. OK. Breathe. It will be fine. It will be toatlly fine. My baby is OK. He’s going to be fine. The cancer is gone. It isn’t going to come back.
And then I talk to my mom tonight. She didn’t know that I had just gone through making the appointment today. And she told me she walked into her gas station this week and there was a jar there for a sick child. She looked at it and the lady who works there my mum knows, she says “Oh this child has a Wilms Tumor and it has come back.” My mom broke down right there. The woman is like ‘OMG, are you ok?” And my mum says “That’s what Caramon had. A Wilms Tumor.” The attendant knew that he’d be sick, had canceer, but didn’t realize it was the same disease. My mum was telling me this and my throat just tightened and I couldn’t breathe and… well I’m glad I know because otherwise I’d move out there and I’d walk into that gas station and see that and probably would have had a nervous breakdown on the spot.
Of course with Caramon being ill this week doesn’t make it easier. Now every time he says he hurts I get scared. Will this ever go away? Will I ever just be able to enjoy him again. Or will I always feel anxious when I look at him.
That’s it… I think it is going to be Friday lay in bed and snuggle while watching a movie night. He’s my baby and I need some time with him. Maybe it will calm me down.
So anyway… watch me as May becomes mega high stress as I await the results of his appointment and pack and hope the house sells and wrap up things in Ohio.
Oh gosh, please let my Caramon be OK. Please let him be fine.