You don’t consider exploding man hole covers to be an unusual occurrence.

You know where the Pentagon really is but never bother to correct anyone about its location.

When it takes you 45 minutes to drive 3 miles on I-66, 95, 395, 495, 50, 123, 29, or 270, it’s a pretty good day.

There are at least fifteen ways to get everywhere and you know which way to go based on the weather, time of day, current political climate, terrorism road closures, and whether you are coming or going.

You pay more money in parking tickets in a year than you do in medical bills, college costs and rent combined.

You know that driving through Georgetown, you will hear the music of the car next to you louder than you can hear your own.

“I got stuck behind a motorcade” is a common and real excuse for being late.

“Finding a parking space” actually becomes an appointment on your calendar. (E.g.. 7:00-8:00 Gym, 8:30-9:00PM – find a parking space, 9:00-10:30PM – Dinner reservations.)

You’ve never once been to Wal-Mart and don’t even know if there is one.

When you say you’re going to the mall and you don’t mean shopping.

You never refer to the ‘Metro’ as the ‘subway’.

You elbow tourists out of the way on the Metro escalators to “gently”
emind them to WALK LEFT, STAND RIGHT.

Going to work early means being there by 9:00AM.

You don’t bat an eye at 500 politicians and businessmen in suits running like their lives depended on it just to catch a Metro that will be followed by another in 90 seconds.

You call it Targét, not Target, and are well aware that the one in Alexandria is just a “tad different”.

When Washington National Airport is and will always be “WASHINGTON NATIONAL”, not “Reagan National”.

You can tell by people’s cars where they live and maybe even what neighborhood.

You’ve claimed that there’s nothing to do on a weekend night even when you have the entire nation’s capitol to explore.

You have the Metro map memorized, yet act like you don’t know when someone asks you how to get to Metro Center.

You meet someone else who says they’re from the DC area and you realize they live two hours away from you.

You notice that there’s been construction on the same stretch of highway for the past 5 years and you’ve never see anyone working on it.

You know you’ve crossed into Northern Virginia, without ever seeing a sign, only because your speedometer goes from 60 to 0.

You know that Vietnam is no longer in the South Pacific, it’s now been re-located to Seven Corners.

The few times you have gotten lost in DC you have somehow ALWAYS ended up in Anacostia and every road out somehow leads back to Anacostia.

You realize that I-395 is Northern Virginia’s version of NASCAR.

There is no such thing as North, South, East, or West on the beltway, it’s just go “that” way!(Inner circle / outer circle)

You go anywhere on the Eastern Shore, Rehoboth, Dewey, Ocean City, Skyline Drive, or the Outer Banks for vacation and everyone you meet is from DC

Snow means rain to you

Ice on the roads just means that you pay more attention to other cars, but still go 75 mph on the highways

You can see the national cathedral from almost anywhere

You know at least 2 rowers

You know that Georgetown is NOT only a school

You consider Northern VA to be in no way similar to southern VA

You know which bridges to cross to get to Maryland or VA

You actually know goes on in Dupont circle

You can’t go to Tysons Mall without seeing someone you know!!

You have a few friends who don’t know what their parents do…It’s Top Secret government work.

People don’t ask you if Chevy Chase is named after the actor.

You can harmonize perfectly with the alert for “Doors Closing” on the Metro

50% of your senior class went to Mason, JMU, Tech, VCU or UVA

You notice your car overheating before you drive it.

You no longer associate bridges or rivers with water.

You know a swamp cooler is not a happy hour drink.

You can hear the weather forecast of 115 degrees without flinching.

You can be in the snow, then drive for an hour…and it will be over 100 degrees.

You discover, in July it only takes two fingers to drive your car, because your steering wheel is so hot.

You can make sun tea instantly.

You run your a/c in the middle of winter so you can use your fireplace.

The best parking is determined by shade…..not distance.

You realize that “Valley Fever” isn’t a disco dance.

Hotter water comes from the cold water tap than the hot one.

It’s noon in July, kids are on summer vacation and yet all the streets are totally empty of both cars and people.

You actually burn your hand opening the car door.

Sunscreen is sold year round, kept right at the checkout counter.

You put on fresh sunscreen just to go check the mail box.

Some fools will market mini-misters for joggers and some other fools will actually buy them. Worse…..some fools actually try to jog.

You know hot air balloons can’t rise because the air temperature is hotter than the air
inside the balloon.

No one would dream of putting vinyl inside a car.

You see two trees fighting over a dog.

You can say “Hohokam” and people don’t think you’re laughing funny

You see more irrigation water on the street than there is in the Salt River

You have to go to a fake beach for some fake waves

You can pronounce”Saguaro”, “Tempe”, “San Xavier”, “Canyon de Chelly”, “Mogollon Rim”, and “Cholla”

You can understand the reason for a town named “Why”

You can fry an egg on the hood of a car IN THE MORNING!

You hear people say “but it’s a DRY heat!”

You buy salsa by the gallon.

Your Christmas decorations include sand and l00 paper bags.

You think a red light is merely a suggestion.

All of your out-of-state friends start to visit after October but clear out come the end of April.

You think someone driving wearing oven mitts is clever.

Most of the restaurants in town have the first name “El” or “Los.”

You think 60 tons of crushed red rock makes a beautiful yard.

Your house is made of stucco and has a red clay tile roof.

Vehicles with open windows have the right-of-way in the summer.

Most homes have more firearms than people.

Kids will ask, “What’s a mosquito?”

People who have black cars or black upholstery in their car are automatically assumed to be from out of-state or nuts.

You know better than to get into a car with leather seats if you’re wearing shorts.

If you haven’t worked for Motorola at some time, you must be a newcomer.

You can finish a Big Gulp in 10 minutes and go back for seconds.

Saying “y’all” isn’t just a cute expression; it actually means something.

There are big labrador retrievers in the back of every truck.

You give directions using KFC and Waffle House as landmarks.

You still see Dale Earndheart tributes on cars.

You can’t imagine life without Bojangles’ sweet tea

Your annual church fundraiser always deals with bbq and potato salad

You have a sunburn from May to October

Your ‘heavy winter clothing’ consists of some turtleneck sweaters, a fuzzy jacket, and your daddy’s boots

Your family has fried chicken once a week

You can tell the difference between cotton fields and tobacco fields while driving

One of your neighbors has a confederate flag hanging on their front porch

Those “damn yankees” are taking over your school/church/workplace/neighborhood…

You’ve been “properly raised”, and yankees love it when they hear you say “ma’am” and “sir”

You get your carbs from biscuits, rolls, pancakes, and grits

You know the difference between a “redneck” and a “hick”.

You own at least one surf shop or seafood restaurant shirts.

No matter what those people in ohio say, we are still “first in flight”

The Coca-Cola 600 is as big as the Super Bowl

You prefer Chick-fil-a to KFC

You know pastry is a chicken stew, not a dessert item.

Every time you visit someone you’re offered something to eat and a glass of tea.

Your granddaddy always wore overalls and your grandma always wore an apron.

In summer you have home-grown tomatoes with every meal.

When it rains and the creek rises, everyone gathers to see how high it rose.

You know that “chunk” the ball means to throw it.

You’ve had a burger “all the way” – chili and slaw on it.

You can recognize a copperhead and your heart drops when you see one.

You have at least one relative that raises collards.

Your folks have taken trips to the mountains to look at leaves.

Your school classes were cancelled because of a hurricane.

You know Krispy Kreme makes the best doughnut.

You have an opinion about UNC. You went there and loved it, or you hate everyone who did.

You know the best BBQ is found in Lexington

You would rather eat at Bojangles’s than McDonald’s

You have actually uttered the phrase “It’s too hot to go to the pool”

You faithfully drink Pepsi or Mt. Dew everyday of your life.

You have your own secret bbq sauce.

You or your neighbors have more hunting dogs than you have family members.

You snicker when someone’s from Tiffin, because you think of the State Hospital.

You think Pro football teams are supposed to wear orange!

You’ve heard of 3.2% beer.

Schools close for the state basketball tournament.

You’re proud of your state fair, but would rather go to Cedar Point.

You live less than 30 miles from some college or university.

You know what a buckeye really is, and have a recipe for candy ones.

“Toward the lake” means “north” and “toward the river” means “south.”

You’ve heard of the Great Nickel Beer Night Riot.

You know if other Ohioians are from southern or northern Ohio as soon as they open their mouths.

You root for a college team though you’ve never taken a class there.

You can spell words like Cuyahoga, Olentangy, Bellefontaine, and Tuscarawas

You always visit more than two amusement parks in one summer.

You know that Serpent Mounds were not made by snakes.

You know what game they’re playing when the Mud Hens take on the Clippers.

Vacation” means spending a day at Cedar Point or King’s Island.

Down south to you means Kentucky.

You thought that the Michael Stanley Band was the most popular band in the country.

You can pronounce Tooele.

The U is not just a letter – Neither is the Y.

You have actually eaten funeral potatoes.

You’ve gotten both heat and frost burns off your car’s door handle in the same month.

You are not surprised to hear words like “Darn, Fetch, Flip”, “Oh, My Heck” and “Shoot”.

Your tulips get snowed on three times after they come up and twice more after they bloom.

Hunting season is a school holiday.

The largest liquor store is the state government.

You can go skiing and play golf on the same day.

30% humidity is muggy and almost unbearable.

Somewhere in your family tree is a polygamist.

You know the difference between a ‘Steak House’ and a ‘Stake House’.

The elevation exceeds the population

You’ve broken down on the highway and somebody stops to help you

You can see the stars at night

You have a bumper sticker that says “Families are Forever.”

You were an aunt or uncle before you were three.

Your spouse’s mother was pregnant at your wedding.

You have more children than you can find biblical names for.

Your family considers a trip to McDonald’d a night out..

Your first child was conceived on your honeymoon.

You feel guilty when you watch Monday Night Football.

Your kids believe the deer hunt is a national holiday.

You drink Coke from a brown paper bag.

You consider a temple recommend a credit reference.

At least two of your salad bowls are at the homes of neighbors.

You believe that you must be 18 or older to order coffee at a restaurant.

You wonder why fire truck drivers honk when you drive 35 mph in the left lane on the freeway.

There is a similarity between a ward basketball game and the L.A. riots.

You think Jack Daniels is a country western singer.

You negotiate prices at a garage sale.

You can make Jell-O salad without the recipe.

You’ve heard about BYU football in a testimony meeting.

You have two gallons of ice cream in your freezer at all times.

Your father-in-law thinks Ronald Reagan was a liberal.

A member of your family wrote in Lavell Edwards for president in the last election.

Cars in the slow lane are traveling the fastest; cars in the fast lane are traveling the
slowest; cars in the middle lanes are always trying to exit.

Sandals are the best-selling shoes.

You have to ask for the uncensored version of “Titanic.”

Hotel rooms all have the Book of Mormon.

You buy your wardrobe at the local grocery superstore.

You learn about the Mormon Church by taking history in elementary school.

You live in a state where Democrats always come in third place, unless a zoo animal is running.
Then they come in fourth.

You’re on your own if you are turning left.

Schools stay open, even if two feet of snow falls overnight, but close for the opening of hunting season.

People wear shorts and T-shirts if the temperature rises above 32 degrees.

There is a church on every corner, but they all teach the same thing.

The most popular public transportation system is a ski lift.

People drive to Idaho (or Arizona) to pick up a gallon of milk so they can play the lottery.

In-state college football rivalries are bigger than the Super Bowl.

Beer drinkers don’t shop on Sunday.

You don’t have to breathe cigarette smoke until you walk outside a building.

The cost of living rises while your salary drops.

Every driveway has a minivan and a pickup truck.

When you buy a new vehicle, cigarette lighters are optional equipment but gun and ski racks are standard.

Every time a new family moves into your neighborhood, the local elementary school has
to hire a new teacher.

Your paycheck has an additional 10 percent deduction.

“Temple recommends” is acceptable identification for cashing a check.

More movies are filmed in your town than in Hollywood.

You’ve never had a Mormon missionary knock on your door.

Your neighbors complain about where they live, yet refuse to return to the state they moved from.

You make a toast with red punch at your wedding reception.

You have more raw wheat stored than some Third World countries.

Your idea of a good time is playing Pictionary in the cultural hall.

Your idea of a wild party is a six pack of Pepsi and a PG-13 movie.

You and all your friends come to your mother for a haircut in her kitchen.

You measure Kool-Aid by parts per million.

You think “You’re a 10 cow wife” is a compliment.

You can pronounce and spell “Pocomoke,” “Mattaponi,” “Accokeek,” and “Havre de Grace”

You prononce “Bowie” BOO-ie not BOW-ie or BAUW-ie

1 hour is an easy commute to work

You have more than three recipies for crabcakes

French fries just don’t taste right without Old Bay

There are more than two crab places in your town

Even your high school cafeteria made good crabcakes

You got your first lacrosse stick before you were six years old

You call all turtles “terrapins”

You refer to your state as “Merlind”

Your mother shops at Hecht’s

You still call Six Flags America “Adventure World”, or even “Wild World”

You still remember the Wild World commercial (Wild World’s the cure for the summertime blues!)

You can tell the difference between the smells of septic and marsh.

You not only know how to eat hard crabs but you also know how to catch them,
cook them and tell the males from the females.

You don’t think that Assawoman Bay is a strange name for a body of water.

You know perfectly well why Rehoboth is called “Little San Francisco”

M R Ducks makes perfect sense.

So does C M Wangs.

You think Salisbury is a big city.

You think of dumplings as wet slippery squares of boiled dough.

You and your boss take off of work when the fish are running
or the ducks are flying in.

You’ve eaten muskrat at a church dinner but think it’s better the way you fix it.

You think of “Dairy Queen” as a pageant title and not a place to get an ice cream.

“Formal wear” is a ball cap, a flannel shirt and Timberlands.

You still root for the Orioles even when they suck

You’ll never understand why tourists come to DC.

When in Florida, you can only laugh when you see signs saying “Real Maryland Blue Crab Cakes!”

You color with “Crowns”, take a “Share” with “Wooter” and think the president lives in “Warshenton.”

You know the difference between Glen Burnie ghetto and Catonsville ghetto.

Your whole family lives within a 200 mile radius of your town.

Dale Earnhardt’s accident was a close personal loss to your father

At least one man in your family is a waterman

You plan for “The Festival” a year in advance.

During the summer, you spend more time in Ocean City than at home.

Margret Heater, Hedspace, Jepetto, Outside Joke and Mary Prankster are people you think are “Famous”

Your radio dial is stuck on 99.1

“Vacation” means going to the family reunion.

You know all 4 seasons: Almost Summer, Summer, Still Summer and Christmas.

You laugh when people from anywhere north of TN tries to say or spell “y’all”

It’s “Mar-vull” not “Mary-ville”

It’s “Knox-vull” not “Knox-ville”

A tabogan is a hat, not a sled.

You butter your hot biscuit by cutting it open, putting a slab of butter inside and closing it back up again.

Every town in East Tennesse has a “strip” and they’re not particularly safe to be in at night.

Pigeon Forge is not pronounced with a French accent.

Gatlinburg does have an “L” in it and it should be pronounced.

Sales tax is 9.5%.

You shop at Walmart for groceries, not at a grocery store.

You don’t drive in Knoxville on game-day. EVER.

You or your friends chew.

You can’t remember the last time you saw snow.

You have a “piss on” sticker on your car window

You know when Elvis Presley Day is

You know that the only people who call it “Joisey” are from New York
(usually The Bronx) or Texas.

You don’t think of citrus when people mention “The Oranges.”

You know that it’s called “Great Adventure,” not “Six Flags.”

You’ve ordered a hard roll with butter for breakfast.

You’ve known the way to Seaside Heights since you were seven.

You’ve eaten at a diner, when you were stoned or drunk, at 3 am.

Whenever you park, there’s a Camaro within three spots of you.

You remember that the “Two Guys” were from Harrison.

You know that the state isn’t one big oil refinery.

At least three people in your family still love Bruce Springsteen, and
you know what town Jon Bon Jovi is from.

You know what a “jug handle” is.

You know that a WaWa is a convenience store.

You know that the state isn’t all farmland.

You know that there are no “beaches” in new Jersey – there’s “The Shore,”
and you know that the road to the shore is “The Parkway” not “The Garden State Highway.”

You know that “Piney” isn’t referring to a tree.

Even your school cafeteria made good Italian subs, and, you call it a “sub” not
a “submarine sandwich” or worse yet, a “hoagy” or a “hero.”

You remember the song from the Palisades Park commercials.

You know how to properly negotiate a Circle.

You knew that the last question had to do with driving.

You know that “Acme” is an actual store, not just a Warner Bros creation.

You know that this is the only “New…” state that doesn’t require “New” to
identify it (like, try …Mexico, …York, …Hampshire (doesn’t work, does it?).

You know how to translate this conversation: “Jeet yet?” “No, Jew?”

You only go to New York City for day trips, and you only call it “The City.”

You know that a “White Castle” is the name of BOTH a fast food chain AND
a fast food sandwich.

You consider a corned beef sandwich with lettuce and mayo a sacrilege.

In the 80’s you wore your hair REALLY high.

You don’t think “What exit” (do you live near?) is very funny.

You know that the real first “strip shopping center” in the country is Route 22.

You know that no respectable New Jerseyan goes to Princeton –
that’s for out-of-staters.

The Jets-Giants game has started fights at your school or local bar.

You live within 20 minutes of at least three different malls.

You can see the Manhattan skyline from some part of your town.

You’ve gotten on the wrong highway trying to get out of Willowbrook Mall.

You’ve eaten a Boardwalk cheesesteak with vinegar fries.

You have a favorite Atlantic City casino.

You live within 20 minutes of at least three different malls.

You refer to all highways and interstates by their numbers.

Every year you have at least one kid in your class named Tony.

You know the location of every clip shown in the Sopranos opening credits.

You know that people from North Jersey go to Seaside Heights, and people from
Central Jersey go to Belmar and people from South Jersey go to Wildwood.

You weren’t raised in New Jersey — you were raised in either North Jersey,
Central Jersey or South Jersey.

You don’t consider Newark or Camden to actually be part of the state.

You remember the stores Korvette’s, Two Guys, Rickel’s, Channel, Bamberger’s and Orbach’s.

You also remember Palisades Amusement Park.

You start planning for Memorial Day weekend in February.

You’ve never pumped your own gas.