I have returned!  Are you ready to be astounded by my innovative and remarkable tips for fixing conferences?

Keep wishing!  I’m not sharing!  Well, I am, for a price. You see, it did not take me  long to realize what a goldmine I had locked away in my noggin.  That’s right, there is no way I could give this stuff away for free! College tuition is not cheap, you know!

Instead, I’ve hired myself out.  At great expense to conference planners worldwide.  Soon, I shall make my first million.  Not too bad for a college kid before his 21st birthday!  That’s quite an accomplishment, wouldn’t you say?  Any day now, the ladies shall be lining up at my door.  It’s such a hard life.

That does not help me as far as this blog goes, though, now does it?  Not really.  I know.  I decided that perhaps I would share my other passion with all of you readers.  What?  How on earth can I have another passion?  Fixing conferences is the coolest thing… ever!!!  Well, I do!  I do, I tell you!

Over the last few weeks, I have taken up the dexterous art of upside down underwater basket weaving.  You have to get your gym credits somewhere, right?  This is mine.  You would not begin to imagine just how taxing on the muscles the craft of weaving a basket might be, especially when one is upside down and underwater.

What?  You don’t want to hear about how I’m taking all the easy classes at college?  Come off it!  I know that when you were in college, you did the same thing. Like me, did you realize quickly the so-called “easy classes” were anything but easy?

Some of the classes in the course book are downright laughable.  People pay money to take these classes?  That must be why the dean has such a fancy pants car.  He knows people will actually pay 1,000 dollars just to take Popsicle Stick Art. 

You may mock me for my upside down underwater basket weaving skills, but I know you are just jealous.  This class will take me far in my adult life!  This is something I can actually USE!  You can go back to your silly pre-med and pre-law classes.  What’s THAT going to do for you after college?  “Oh, look at me!  I’ve got a law degree!”  Yeah, you’ll be wishing you had taken underwater, upside down basket weaving.

Don’t hate me for my maddog skillz.  You could have had it, too.

-Bob

For those interested in hiring me to fix your conference, contact me for your handwoven basket filled with information.

Originally posted on ladyozma.vox.com