I’m enjoying my frosted flakes on a beautiful Easter Sunday morning.  And then this comes through my phone pix messages:

End of the World?

What the heck?  This is unbelievable.  Unconstitutional, even!

No.  That’s it, Mr Nostradamus!  We’re through!  I was willing to support you and your quatrain predictions.  They prove time and time again that you accurately saw our day.  Until now.  No more will I eagerly watch for the trusty headlines of the Weekly World News, with its second largest subscribership in the nation, or The Sun.  

I, Lady Ozma, hereby state that the world SHALL NOT come to an end on May 11, 2008.  I hold within my hands the power to keep this prophecy from coming true, and you better believe I will. 

Mother’s everywhere, never fear.  Your day shall be saved.  Tell your kids this does not mean they are out your special breakfast in bed, cards, or presents.  My boys already tried this tactic.  I set them straight faster than Nostradamus could rattle off his next prognostication!

Isn’t it bad enough I have to share my birthday with Mother’s Day?  That I will get lost in the shuffle with all the other mother’s out there?  I won’t get any recognition when my family takes me out for my birthday?  Oh no.  How much can one Lady Ozma be asked to bear?  I have enough on my plate and I need my weekend.  Oh boy do I need my weekend.

Quake in your pointy-toed shoes, Nostradamus.  You have taken on mothers the world over.  And they are led by the most terrifying.  ME!  No one challenges the Great and Powerful Oz!  (Only slightly more well known is never take on a Sicilian when death is on the line!)

I shall not share my Birtha-Mother’s Day with The End Of The World.  That is just over the top.  I know  that I am cool, everyone wants to be my friend, that everyone wants my fabulous and swanky life.  But I only need SO much notoriety.

So I refute any and all claims that my birthday will coincide with the great finito for the third rock from the Sun. 

Nostradamus, check your star charts again.  Go right ahead.  I can be patient  I think you will quickly see you made a gross error in judgement.  Besides, the Aztecs already told us… 2012.  Duh.  Check your facts.

That’s what you get for locking horns with a Taurus.  Enough said.

— a very disgruntled Lady O

Originally posted on ladyozma.vox.com