One of the blogs I follow spoke on long-suffering last week. It asked that we all think about what it means to be long-suffering. Then my Bishop spoke about it in testimony meeting. Think this means something? (Maybe it just means he also reads Christian HomeKeeper, but somehow I doubt it…)
I think the most profound thing I’ve ever heard about "long-suffering" was from my Bishop’s mouth. He said even the word itself seems unpleasant. I mean seriously? He’s right. Do I want to be long-suffering? Heck to the no! Suffering is bad enough and I sure don’t want to endure something awful for a long time. I’m pretty sure that I am in good company with about six billion other people on this planet. (OK, so the good people at Christian HomeKeeper said the same sort of thing. Why? BECAUSE IT IS TRUE!)
Unfortunately, that is just not how life works. At least, not for me. There are times when life is great, sure. But we all go through times when life is nothing but major suck-a-tude. It is how we deal with major suck-a-tude that makes the difference.
Unsurprisingly, linked right in with long-suffering is patience. A word both Christian HomeKeeper and my Bishop used. Yikes. Let’s just say that I can remember the nun at Catholic School reciting her proverb: Patience is a virtue. Cherish it if you have it. Seldom in women, never in men.
Yeah I’m definitely not in the "seldom" category of women mentioned there.
Let’s just say I know long and I know suffering. If you want only one painful example. Kiddie Cancer. Yeah. Like you were surprised I brought THAT up. When your kid gets diagnosed with cancer it is not something that is going to go away with a simple round of antibiotics and a tub of ice cream. It’s long. It’s most definitely suffering. And then it gets longer. And there’s even more suffering. And you are tired. And most of all, you are impatient because life is a whole lot of hurry up and wait.
So yeah, I know of which I speak. And trust me, there are times when I just want to say: ENOUGH!!!!! I suppose we all have our Abrahamic Test, as my Bishop likes to say. Boy do I know he’s right. At least in my case. So here’s some interesting questions from Christian HomeKeeper about patience/long-suffering to get my juices flowing and direct my thoughts.
God has worked in my life regarding patience and long-suffering in these ways – I have managed to endure, without losing my mind, long wait periods. I’ve learned that often these long periods go by faster then one might expect. I thought my 18th birthday would NEVER come when I wanted to get baptised. I spent the many months waiting learning and growing. The good thing is that when I finally got to the waters of baptism, I KNEW it was what I wanted. I’d fought against people questioning me. I’d survived flack from my parents. knew about a thousand times more about the Church I was joining then when I first decided to join it nine months previously. I stood there thinking, "Finally! This day has come!" Immediately after that, I thought, "Wow, it really wasn’t that long!" That’s just one example that has repeated itself over and over in my life. While going through the trial, it can seem like time is creeping by until I stop and look back and realize… time has quite literally flown.
The hardest part of showing long-suffering is – Not letting it wear me down so everyone else thinks I’m a sad-sack. Trust me. I struggle with this. I have a real hard time being the "strong one". Ok, so people tell me all the time that I’m strong. But I feel like I’m losing it and that I’m really weak and barely able to stand. I am pretty sure (going back to the last question) that I really can’t stand about 90% of the time and like in Footprints in the Sand, the Lord is carrying me. I thank him all the time. Seriously, if you look behind me there’s only one set of footprints for as far as the eyes can see. Those footprints aren’t mine. He’s carried me. Unfortunately, I find it hard not to whine about it in his ear. I’m working on that. It goes back ot the whole not coming of like a sad-sack.
The most rewarding part of showing long-suffering is – Um… this one, I don’t know. I suppose getting to the end of the trial and going ‘Huzzah it’s over." And then finding what I learned from it. And then finding the words to share what I learned from it. I think something that is hard when you are going through a trial is the feelings of loneliness. I hate for people to feel alone. Really, it’s so silly when you think about it. For example, I’m not the first woman or the last woman to have extremely difficult and dangerous pregnancies. Regardless of this fact, I sure felt like the only one when going through mine. Seeing people who could make it through trials inspires me. I sure don’t think I’ll inspire anyone, but the thought that I might help someone make it another day does make me feel like at least my trial was worth it. I don’t think that makes sense. But it does in my head. I guess what I"m trying to say is I just really want to help people, so if I can because of my long-suffering Abrahamic Test, yay!
The one kind situation that I have the most trouble showing long-suffering in is – The one I’m currently in now. It’s gone on for just so many years. I think I used to be better at it. Now i’m just tired. I don’t’ even want to get into it. In fact, Bishop, give me a calling and make me busy. So I don’t have to think about it. See, I’m not kidding. The current one is hard. It just happens to be one thing I have promised to never blog about. Sorry people. Never fear, it has gone in my personal journal. A lot. So I’m working through my issues like a good little person wanting to have some semblance of decent mental health.
I see how kindness goes hand in hand with long-suffering because – Kindness is brought about from love. Love really can make it easier to bear things. Be that kindness given to you that brightens your day or kindness you give to others while bearing your own hefty load. Once, when Caramon was on one of his eternal hospital stays, someone rang me and offered to visit and bring me food and a magazine. People didn’t really call me a whole lot then. I get that they just didn’t know what to say. That is fine. A visit was wonderful and made me feel like the world hadn’t forgotten about me. Best of all I got something that wasn’t KFC or Hospital Cafeteria as a special bonus. It was just a salad from McDonald’s which sounds like it’s just really a dumb thing to get excited about, but after 3 weeks in the hospital with Caramon with only KFC and Cafeteria food… it was like a four star meal. It really made my day. Another time, a young boy had surgery and his family lived so far away they could not get off work and come to visit him. So Caramon and I went up to this boy’s room and played games with him. It was late, he’d missed dinner, and wanted food. So I went to the parent kitchen and made him a sandwich from my own stuff. Seeing him smile and not be so alone really helped brighten our day in the hospital. Charity really is the pure love of Christ.
I want others to show long-suffering to me when – I am a fool and say something stupid. Really? This is pretty much everyday. Sometimes my brain moves too fast. Sometimes I just don’t know what you are going through. I really hate the idea that what I say might offend people and I know that I just say stupid stuff that causes pain. Please. Forgive me. I really don’t mean to be stupid.
God shows long-suffering to me in these ways – Seriously? This is a question? Can I even begin to count the ways? He loved me enough to send his Son to die for me. He hasn’t yet gotten so sick of me he’s struck me down by lightening or worse. I have probably the best and most patient Bishop on the planet earth (just no one tell him I said that). Seems God somehow sends someone to say just the right thing to me when I need it most.
Ephesians 4:1-4 says – As a prisoner for the Lord, then, I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received. 2Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. 3Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace. 4There is one body and one Spirit—just as you were called to one hope when you were called—
This week I will begin to ask God to – I’ve been asking the Lord to help me find the patience to go on one more day. To help me find a brighter attitude. To forgive me for being a real depressed monster last week. (I blame hormones and stress. It was REALLY bad.) To help build my faith that I can strive for the light at the end of the tunnel that I sometimes cannot see. To give me the strength to bear the crosses I’ve been asked to carry.
–Lady O
Lady Ozma's Journey 
swampfaye said:
I don’t think everyone has to have the talent of long suffering – and I haven’t seen a case where it turns out well. Not even for Christ.
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Lady Ozma said:
Well, I think we live in a crazy world
And so maybe you don’t have some mega trial, but you have to deal with a world where people are stupid, weather is insane, jobs suck, and about a thousand other fairly normal things. I think if you can manage to not end up on a rooftop before you die then you are pretty long-suffering. 🙂
I wouldn’t say it never ends up well. I’ve seen marriages that not only survive adultery but come out stronger and more loving in the end. Talk about long-suffering there and with a positive end. I’ve also seen people battle cancer for years and finally come through it and then go on to promote awareness and help others going through cancer and that’s pretty long-suffering and coming out for the good. I’ve also seen people struggle for years with infertility before they finally find a way through one avenue or another to have the family they so wanted and then they end up to be fantastic parents. I could go on.
As for Christ, he knew what he was doing and he chose it. It’s why he’s our Savior. 🙂
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swampfaye said:
Re: Well, I think we live in a crazy world
But you wouldn’t be long suffering THROUGH adultery, you are recovering AFTER adultery. If not, there’s really not much point in suffering through it.
And PS, the people I know who have survived diseases never really looked at it as ‘long suffering’ or ‘enduring’ they usually had a good attitude through the whole thing – it was the people on the outside (or their spouses) who did the ‘long suffering’ part, and I’m still not sure it’s very productive.
I suggest reading “Happiness is a Serious Problem” as the cure for ‘long suffering.’
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Lady Ozma said:
Re: Well, I think we live in a crazy world
Well I suppose it depends on if the offended spouse knows. Some women know and try to fight through it. And recovery is still long-suffering. It takes years to recover from that, experts say at least 7 years. And then there’s the reason the person committed the adultery. There’s always a reason and it generally isn’t because they are super happy in their marriage. The adulterer has to come to terms with why they did what they did and try to change their lives. And then the ramifications of afterwords and the toll it takes on the family.
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Lady Ozma said:
Re: Well, I think we live in a crazy world
I’ve known people who have suffered with a variety of ailments. And there’s a difference between the front you put on and how you feel. It’s very easy to get discouraged. It’s easy to have a good face in public but cry in fear in private. In the end though, it doesn’t matter what your trial is. Most people are seen as long-suffering but don’t think it was that bad. People think that what I had to go through when Caramon was dx with cancer and the year of not sleeping and playing mom, nurse, chemist, taxi, and living at the hospital was “long-suffering”. I just figure it was something I had to do because… how do you not? It wasn’t that bad. But I suppose it was pretty bad, but since I was sitting there beside mother’s who were losing their children and mine was getting better I didn’t see it as that bad. Sometimes I’ll be telling people about something I did and they are like, “Holy smokes, that’s so hard” and I’m like, “Not really.” Then I think about it. Like the time I was so sleep deprived I put a needle completely through my finger while mixing Caramon’s meds at the dining room table. I wiggled that thing around for two minutes before I realized it was through my finger. That’s insane and a definite case of a problem but really I think it only happened once out of all the drugs I had to mix over the year and at least I was lucky enough to have the ability to mix those drugs and help my son get better. I’ve got a million stories like that. Both from me and from others.
I’ve grown from my trials. In the end they’ve led to good things. Of course I think the problem is that long-suffering sounds really bad, but it doesn’t mean you are roaming around like a sad-sack. The definition is actually: Patient endurance of pain or unhappiness. That definition actually shows not a negative attitude at all. But I think we hear long-suffering and we just think that means long time of suffering and thus crying and being miserable. Moping solves nothing. Like Elder Bednar says, There’s no problem that whining won’t make worse.
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Anonymous said:
🙂
Amen Sister, and to think I hadn’t even read your Blog last night when I IMed my comment on FB to you! When GOD’s TRUTH is spoken it is Always the SAME because HIS LOVE never Changes!
Hugs and LOVE!
JJ
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Lady Ozma said:
Re: 🙂
Thanks JJ! And you are so right! God tells us he is the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow! And his love was so strong that he sent us his only begotten son to teach us, lead us, guide us, to take on the weight of the world, and to die for us. He heals us with his love each and every minute of the day. And I am thankful. 🙂
Blessings and hugs!
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Anonymous said:
Thanks for this.
I appreciated the discussion on long-suffering. I’ve always kind of wondered about it, since the adjective is in my patriarchal blessing. But we don’t hear much at church about it.
-Michaela Stephens
http://scriptoriumblogorium.blogspot.com
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Lady Ozma said:
Re: Thanks for this.
I sure hope you come back for this. I always try to respond.
Well I’m not so sure that I’m an authority or anything though I sure have enough trials in my life… I don’t think we hear enough about it in church. My bishop talks to me all the time about it though in meetings. I’m glad that you enjoyed this. As for your patriarchal blessing…wow… I’m not so sure that I’d find that very comforting! Then again I had a blessing of comfort once that used this term and well, it kind of went downhill from there.
I hope you return!
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Anonymous said:
Re: Thanks for this.
I don’t know if the long-suffering clause has been activated yet (nothing like child-having-cancer anyway), but I have learned about being patient and listening to people.
Something that just came to mind was a bit from Paul’s writings about charity. “Charity suffereth long and is kind.” So I suppose long-suffering is a facet of charity.
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Lady Ozma said:
Re: Thanks for this.
I don’t think that you need something major in your life happen like having a child with cancer to invoke that long-suffering clause. Life, in general, is hard. There’s bills to pay, people to feed, houses to maintain, jobs to do, lawns to manage, well you get the picture. Life was never said to be easy. Sometimes we choose to make things harder or life just dumps really hard things on our laps. But, not necessarily.
If you have learned the skills of patience and listening, you have definitely learned about long suffering!
I do think that long suffering is a facet of charity. As we know, charity is an act of love, the type of pure love that can only come when we get outside of ourselves. Look at the example of the child with cancer. You learn to live on little to no sleep, it takes months or years to get through, you do things that you never thought you could… just to take care of your child. When you are in the walmart watching your child continually vomit into a trash can while waiting on a prescription for Zofran and you are praying the whole time the Zofran will help ease the stomach problems from chemo… and you do this without plotting the painful and long demise of the fool doctor that absolutely refused to give said child something before the chemo to prevent the aforementioned continual puking in a trash can? Now THAT is charity – that is absolute compassion. This may or may not have happened to me one chemo day. OK, it did happen to me. All I did was cry inside for my poor kid. Yikes!
I could list other examples, but that’s probably good enough. 🙂
Thanks for pointing out the charity angle!
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