The Zombie Night Before Christmas

Written by: Craig Dorfman
Illustrated by: Stephen Smith
Pages: Not many – 5 minutes, 10 tops to read out loud

This classic children’s poem gets a gothic makeover when some uninvited (and undead) guests show up hoping to find their stockings full of “Braaaiiin!” It looks like we’ll never see Christmas morning, but then a lean, mean Santa shows up to deliver the greatest gift of all: survival!

It’s December and time for all the Christmas books, lights, and music. All right, so I *might* pull my music out in November, but you can just deal. I kind of think “Chiron Beta Prime” and “Monster Holiday” can go for Halloween AND Christmas. Right?

I’m high in the post-NaNoWriMo haze and maybe still a little stuck on zombies due to the fact that I finished editing and revising roughly 70,000 words of Juan of the Dead in the second half of November. Now I’m in the midst of rewriting the conclusion so I can roll into revising the sequel.

Of course, I am still living large after the First Annual Fredericksburg Zombie Walk.

What better book to review than “The Zombie Night Before Christmas” given these circumstances? Really, it’s just fate.

The goth girl in me loved this book. The zombie obsessed gal hopes that Santa is bringing that Hello Kitty Panzer and assault rifle listed in my Zombie Apocalypse Plan.  I’ve been a really good girl. After all, I edited nearly 70,000 words of Juan. I have needs you know.

This followed the cadence of the original “T’was the Night Before Christmas” tale, but it was so much better. I will fully admit this is on my Christmas wish list and my fifteen year old and I read it aloud in the book store. You just don’t get much better…

The story is simple. It’s Christmas Eve. The Zombie Apocalypse has begun. Ma in her kerchief and Pa in his cap are quaking with fear when what to their wondering eyes should appear? None other than Santa and he’s gone buff and zombie hunter on Rudolph’s Antlers. Bet you thought I was gonna say something else. HA!

We loved the artwork, exclaiming over the festive zombie gore. Beefcake Santa with a Six Pack was pretty rockin’ as he stood on a whole mess of zombies, too.

This might not be the one you want to read to your little kiddos, but if you’ve a teenager in the house? This could make for a wonderful addition to your holiday reading traditions.

You know you want to.

–Lady O