Some women wear black, lots and lots of black.  Other women try baggy clothes, hoping to hide any possible pudge. Still others shop for miracle working undergarments to tighten and hold errant fat cells in place.  Maybe that’s Victoria’s Secret?

We all have our dirty secrets.  Skeltons in our closets.  I am here to expose mine. 

It takes a lot of courage to come clean with the world.  So here it is… I’m overweight.  According to all the medical charts and those high up muckity mucks claims.  Lucky enough, I am not too overweight.  It is enough, though, that I would love nothing more than to lose a few pounds.

With my last child, I gained weight that I could not lose.  I believe it caused by the steroids I had to take.  With both my pregnancies, I suffered from pre-term labour.  The shots were a way to help make sure the baby grew enough that a premature birth would prove less life-threatening.  Totally worth the wait gain, Joram is precious beyond belief.

Over the years, I tried a various assortment of things.  Walking, watching what I eat, all the typical things.  Nothing worked.  I still weight the same as the day I went into the hospital to have him.  I have come to accept this about myself.  I am mostly, OK.  However, I would love to find more happiness in the way I look.

I am trying something new.  Over at SparkPeople.com you can track everything you do for free.  That is nice and it fits into my budget quite well.  I am giving it a whirl.

Now, I know, the first few weeks, you generally see some weight gain.  I decided, no weigh-ins for the first month.  Instead, I would take my measurements.  That is a true judge, if your pants are looser – success is yours!

My measurements are not accurate, though.  And that is the secret to my thinness.  Many years of dance trained me well.

After various dance lessons over my entire childhood and teen years, my posture is excellent.  Standing tall or sitting tall helps you appear thinner than you truly are.  The other thing learned in dance class involves sucking in your stomche.  Somewhere in my past I managed to find stuck inside my brain that one’s bellybutton should rest on your spine.

As a result of these two things, I think people discover how large I truly am.

So, now, you know my secret.  Whatever shall I do with you?  If you breathe these tricks to anyone, I will hunt you down.  Just call me Double-O-Ozma!

-Lady O

Originally posted on ladyozma.vox.com