I firmly believe in the power of prayer. Call it what you want, but I know it works. I have seen it have miraculous effects in my own life and in the lives of others.
Today as I was going over my morning prayer list for way too long, I really started to ponder why I have so much going on in my life. As those who follow me on facebook/twitter/etc know, I’ve been having one heck of a daunting week. It really is one of those times where I feel like the snowballs are coming from every direction and all I am able to do is cover my head and duck!
Yet I do know that there is power in prayer. It can bring a hope when things look fairly bleak. Hope is something I think a great many of us need these days with so much going on in the world around us. It seems the news over the last couple of weeks have taken things to a whole new level of crazy and that’s not even what’s going on in our personal lives!!
I know my personal life is pretty darn insane right now.
I don’t talk about some of the things going on with me easily. A lot of it is that I just don’t think about it. After all, who really wants to hear about how your knee hurts you so much today that you can’t hardly walk from your bed to your bathroom? That’s some witty banter right there, I know! It goes on from there. The funny thing is that I think in most regards I am a pretty open person about my trials, but then I look and there are some I just don’t even mention and suffer with in silence.
One is my pain issues. They’ve gotten so worse in the last 18 months and I just don’t know what to do about it. There are days when it is pretty discouraging. The super cold makes it… well… super worse. And guess what we’ve been having? I don’t even want to get out of my heated bed. One of the reasons I was glad to leave Ohio was that VA is a lot warmer. The pain was so much there in the winter that I felt like I was turning into an IB junkie. I know I should wear my knee braces more, but they are such a pain to wear with pants and if I wear a skirt then I get even colder and that makes it worse. Let’s not even get into my wrist and hands which are my other big problems. For the last few weeks I’ve been also dealing with my loose hip pinching something and shooting pains down my legs in addition to the pain shooting from my knee and a weird shoulder thing that has also sent pain shooting down my arm. The one thing I can say is that I have a fantastic chiropractor that’s helped move my various joints back into the places they are supposed to be. Compared to a fortnight ago I feel fantastic. Doesn’t mean I don’t still hurt, but at least I no longer want to curl up and cry from the pain. Or at least… not all the time.
I really hate winter. January and February are such hard months for me. December probably would be, but I always get swept up in the holiday hustle and bustle and it is a good distraction. I just do not handle super cold weather well. It depresses me. Combine it with days that are far too short and I really do feel like a vampire living without the sun. If I can stay busy, I’m OK. But you throw in all the depressing weather that keeps you homebound and it is hard to stay busy. That is probably why I read 25 books last January! I just needed an escape. (So far I’ve read four!)
There are other things going on, but those are ones I’d rather not talk about in a public place. They are, like the piain, ongoing issues that I’ve dealt with for so many years it’s kind of crazy to think about. Most of them are regular life stuff, but sometimes it just gets to be where you want to scream!!
That said… that’s not even really what most of my problems have been for the last week or so. It’s my extended circle… I’m beginning to feel like I’m some sort of curse. I just keep getting calls from those I know and love with more and more things. I hate that my loved ones have to have trials, even though I know that they are a fact of life. I wish so much to help and yet I feel helpless. When the trial level is low, you can begin to feel like real life isn’t so bad, but then you get the heavy dose of real life and well… yeah.
I’m having trouble even keeping my prayer list straight. I fear I am forgetting people and I really don’t want to do that! I figured I’d journal some of it and just hope that helps me in my prayers this morning. I don’t normally keep a prayer journal, but sometimes you just feel it is the right thing to do and you can’t seem to focus until you do that very thing!
My dear sister-in-law, Rosemary – You know you are in my prayers! I’ve been pregnant and husbandless and I know it’s a just a crazy time. I just want your pregnancy to go well so we can enjoy that awesome nephew of mine you are carrying!
My dear brother-in-law, Jared – He’s deployed over to the war zone and I know that he is a great guy willing to serve our country, but that’s still scary. And he had to leave his beautiful bride of half a year home pregnant with their son. I gotta admit, I love seeing that look in his eyes when he looks at her. I know he’s missing looking at her right now.
My other dear sister-in-law, Danny – She’s also preggie and bringing me a nephew. Pregnancy is hard, as I very well know. I just hope things go smoothly for her as well
My neighbour Carol – She’s been in not one but two custody court cases over the past few months. Yesterday was one hearing, for her grandchildren. She’s now got joint legal/physical and that’s such a better situation than before. But it’s been hard for her!
My neighbour’s daughter – She’s pregnant as well but unlike my lucky sisters-in-law, things aren’t going so peachy. She’s got placenta previa and it’s so bad she can’t even sit up without having problems. She’s on 100% bedrest for the next 20 weeks (or until she goes into labour). We’re just hoping to get her as far along as we can. I have been on bedrest and know how miserable it is. I have offered to help where I can, but I know I can’t do the most important thing and that is help her have a the promise of things going well.
My friend Tee and his sweet little girl – today he must bury his wife and that just breaks my heart. I know he’s hurting and I just hope he has the strength to make it through this day. I know it’s going to be a hard one. His wife was only 45 and that’s far too young. I can’t even imagine.
My friend Laurie – She’s still living at the hospital after her husband’s stroke last week. Sleeplessness is getting to her, and the stress. She’s got to deal with all the basic “fun” that goes into something like this like the whole family gathering and everyone having differening opinions, translating Doctor-Speak, worrying about the care of the kids at home, worries about the financial burden, and also questioning exactly what the right actions are to take. Medical woes are crummy and I swear that strokes are one of the worst of the medical woes. I pray she gets some rest and can sort through the information dump coming from here there and everywhere.
Laurie’s husband, Dennis – He’s still on the vent after his stroke early Thursday morning. That poses issues in and of itself, but he’s not strong enough to be without it. Maybe they’ll trach him… if they do, I hope that goes well. He’s still in a coma last I heard and so we can’t even tell you how bad things are from the stroke. Will he wake up? I don’t know. My only hope is that the Lord’s will be done. That people will not let their own desires and emtions circumvent that which should truly happen either because they don’t want to let go or because they don’t feel there’s any hope. I want the medical teams to be refreshed enough to do things right for Dennis.
My friend’s daughter, Rose – She just lost her first baby and that’s crushing. She was so hopeful and excited (as any expectant parent is). She and her husband are so sweet. My heart goes out to them.
My friend – because I know that it’s been sad for her to watch her sweet grandsom come too early. I ❤ you and have cried for you this weekend.
A woman that I visit teach at church – because she's always in my prayers. She's got a lot going on. More than most. I know it's hard for her and I feel helpless. Prayer is all I have for her.
A friend at church – nothing really out of the ordinary but the same goes for her. She's got more than most people have to deal with and I wish I could help. Since I don't have a magic wand to whisk her away on that escape trip to Hawaii (Can I get one of those???) and solve her problems for her while she is gone… all I've got is prayer.
My friend Melanie – because she still has the undx health condition all because she can't get in to see the doctors because she has no health insurance. I'm so worried for her over that and it's killing me. Also she's traveling, and that's always fun yet stressful all wrapped up into one. And she's like a sister so she is often in my prayers. Sometimes for good reasons, sometimes because she needs them. I do hope whatever the medical thing is, that it isn't too severe since it's been ages since she was told to get to a specialist. Scary.
One of my students – he's got a hurt hand and he needs some healing. And there's some other things, but this isn't the time or the place.
My photog client – Claire – because she's finally at her due date and so I just want things to go smoothly with the delivery of her baby! (I also want it to come soooooon! After photogging that baby bump… I wanna see the baby! You guys know I'm a sucker for babies, right?)
My friends – Kate and The General – Theirs is happy THANK GOODNESS – they are trying to get an exchange student. I've filed all the paperwork I can, I'm doing their home visit tonight, but I just have kept them in my prayers that they can get their girl!
My mom – she's off her seriously strong perscription pain meds while doing a detox. She does this once in a while and it's always a very MISERABLE couple of weeks. She gets physically ill, her pain makes mine look like nothing, and so she needs extra support. I can't wait for her to go back on them.
Holy mazoli. That's a lot. That's not even my husband, my kids, myself, my Bishop, my Relief Society President, the prophet…
And people wonder why I've been so stressed out? Whew. Well… now you know.
My prayers as listed here are lifted up towards Heaven. There's a lot of stuff going on around me right now and I want that darned magic wand! Bippity boppity boo! Everything is nice again!
For those who've kept me in their prayers. I really appreciate it. Hey, I slept last night for a whole four hours! I'm feeling pretty perky today! It's amazing what sleep will do for you. Thank you for your love, your concern, and your support. It means the world to me.
So I leave with my current facebook status: Hope is not pretending that troubles do not exist. It is the trust that troubles will not last forever, that hurts will be healed and difficulties overcome.
I do hope that these troubles will not last forever, that hurts will be healed and difficulties overcome. Some of us could really use a little bit of that action in our lives right now. In a big way. Myself included.
Much love and prayers…
PS… got something to add? Well my aching knees probably won't let me get up anyway so throw it at me. Why not. Did you see that list? What's one or two more?