I received so much response from my Troll-er-iffic post last week I just knew I post again. After all, Marriage Monday seems too cute to not continue.
Besides, as I thought more about myself as a wife and found myself really less a wife and more a troll as the week went on… I knew I needed to do something.
I’m pretty sure that there is a reason why trolls are barred from all the good stuff in the fairy tales. Maybe it’s because they are big and ugly? Or people think they are mean? I don’t know.
But there you have it. I mean look what happened to Shrek when he and Fiona traveled to her parents… it just wasn’t good.
I think they prefer the swamp.
So here I am in my own half acre of swampland, yet I long for Happily Ever After land. (Have you ever been to VA? I love it here but yeah, we’re kind of swampy.)
I think the secret is to leave that grass is greener on the other side of the fence garbage by the wayside. Sure, Happily Ever After Land looks all shiny and happy. But guess what, people? It’s a myth. No one gets the fairy tale princess wedding and immediate ends up in Happily Ever Land.
Sorry to spoil that for ya. Wake up. We all end up in the swamps of life. We need to learn to love the swamp.
As well as the troll.
I know that sometimes when it’s really dark and dreary in the swamp and you are at your most troll-like sparring with someone you *think* might or might not be an even bigger troll… yeah it’s super easy to think about turning tale and running. Hoping that maybe you can break into Happily Ever After Land and no one will notice you hiding in the shadows.
So what do you do? Focus on the foul mud of the swamp? The giant troll ears of your spouse? Or do you actually find something worthwhile and positive to focus on?
Take a look at my house. It’s definitely not the one I would choose, but it’s the one I have. There is a lot that annoys me with it. I kind of wish I could meet the architect so I could just ask him outright, “What WERE you thinking?” However, this is the 12th place I’ve lived since hitching up on the troll train to the swamp. I can tell you, it’s far from the worst place we’ve lived. There was the place with the orange-flowered wallpaper straight from 1973. How about not one but two different houses on military bases? Or my personal fave: The Slanty House. No joke. It was like The Leaning Tower… only not as cool looking and in po-dunk Ohio. And there were rats in the mud hole basement. Did I mention the mud hole basement? Yeah. I nearly gave up doing laundry there!
So I know, this house is definitely not as bad as it could be… and I can learn to live here. You know what the best thing about this house is? IT IS MINE. (OK, well it is the bank’s for the next 28 years, but you know what I mean.) So who cares! My own corner of swampland. All mine. Not yours. Not a landlord’s. MINE! I can paint the walls, I can hang pictures, I can do whatever I want.
Same thing goes. I mean let’s face it. We were all young and beautiful and madly in love with someone young and handsome. Or so we thought. So instead of focusing on the trolls, we need to remember that!
I know last week I said that I was a troll. I’d love to bring you a top ten reason why someone would marry a troll like me. Sadly, I don’t know. (Personally I think the dangly bits were thinking and not anything else. I mean what else could it be? Surely wasn’t for my charm and hot-ness. Hello? I’m a troll!)
Each day that goes by, I question more and more just how I ended up with a guy on his knee in the first place. If anyone can figure it out, drop me a line. I could really use this knowledge.
So instead, I’ll post a Top Ten Reasons Why The Troll Said Yes (and I’ll leave you to guess if he’s a troll or not himself!):
1. Yummy Marine Blues. They’ll blind any troll. What little brain there is completely shuts down in the troll head. Have you seen the Marine Blues? They are the finest of the dress uniforms. Yum. With Awesome Sauce.
2. Funny man in Marine Blues. He may or may not have been funny. I may or may not have been distracted by yummy uniforms. All I know was he sure seemed funny. There was an awful lot of laughter. The good kind. Sometimes there’s still laughter. Sadly, not so much with the Marine Blues.
3. Marine Blues are yummy but so are suits. The man cut a nice line in a suit. He wore funny ties with Mickey Mouse. Any man who looks good in a suit AND wears a tie with Mickey Mouse is just made of the win. Any girl, even a troll girl, cannot deny this.
4. He may or may not be a troll but the man can sing. And by sing I mean his voice would soothe the savage beast and make your heart melt. Even a crusty hard troll heart. Poor me. I have to sit next to him every week in Church and listen to him sing. Such. A. Hard. Life.
5. Magic Fingers. Get your mind out of the gutter! I’m talking the scalp and shoulder massage here. You think dragging around a club is easy on a troll? Please.
6. He puts up withy my geeky girl side. Seriously… it takes a saint.
7. Brains. He sounds smart. This impresses my little troll brain. Or maybe even then I knew I’d write about zombie girls and brains are yummy. It could go either way at this point.
8. He said the right things. Let’s face it. This is why everyone joins up.
9. He saw me dancing. And THEN approached me. I was a dancer in a former life. When I hit the floor I MOVE. That takes guts for a dude to even WANT to approach a girl.
10. He asked. I mean what other idiot… I mean guy… was gonna ask?
So there you have it. I’ve reminded myself and shared with you ten reasons why The Troll Said Yes and even vaguely thought she’d ever make it to Happily Ever Land. I think it is probably good to remember this sort of thing in the craziness of life. I just wish it hadn’t taken me all day to come up with this list! Sorry, it was a long time ago and my troll brain could barely remember that far back!
But Shrek and Fiona are ogres not trolls!
Lady Ozma said:
How true. However, they were the closest I could find that were pop culture enough to work. And I’m really most definitely more troll than ogre.
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