Admit it.  I’ve done it. You’ve done it. Everyone’s done it.

The Vanity Google.  The attempt to see if you, the real you, shows up in a Google search. More importantly, if it does, do you come off well?

Bordeom. Curiousity. Narcissim.  There are many reasons why one might Google themselves.

This week I dabbled in the world of AdWords.  AKA: Adsense.  I wish I could explain to you half of what I saw.  Let’s be frank here. Everything I know about the advertising world came from watching Bewitched as a child. Mostly that means: When all else fails, use witchcraft.

In theory I understand some of what I saw.  The bare basics: I fork over fat stacks of cash to Google Adwords. They take my keyword and create an advert. People not running AdBlockPro (Should this mythical unicorn or luddite truly exist…) then see said advert. If interested, they click and Presto: I have more viewers.  Yay! It would be nice to break 1000 readers, right? Without as much work?

After that, I pretty much start phasing out and my comprehension breaks down. This sounds too much like prepping for a SportsBowl commercial. I will happily be in one of those, but it doesn’t mean I will watch it. I despise commercials. Not only do I not watch or care about the SportsBowl, but I really don’t care about their commercials.  (The infernal things all end up on YouTube anyway, so why should I inflict SportsBowl on myself. Someone will share said commercial on Facebook which will autoplay the video to my horror.)

I understand that advertising is Big Business that rakes in redonkously high greenbacks every single day and so somehow, this must work on the American psyche embroiled in consumerism. I’m just saying, I don’t really understand how.  I have never once looked at a McDonald’s commercial and thought, “Gee. I really want a Big Mac now.”

To try and muddle my way through, I plugged in some different things.  Death Star came out pretty nice, actually.  Who wouldn’t want a Death Star? After about three terms, I was done. I still didn’t really know what I was looking at, but I felt curious.

So I did it.

Keyword: Lady Ozma.

Let’s see how many searches per month…

Huh. The bar graph shows loads of stuff… but this says I get no love. My WordPress begs to differ when it does show my google search terms.

Sadness.

Just checking, I took the space out of my name.

Huh. Still came up with nada.

However, LDS Conference seemed relevant. I’m not surprised. That’s how I got quoted in a class at BYU Provo.

I think this translates to, when the boredom kills me I’ll disappear in obscurity.

C’est la vie.

Meanwhile, I may have invented the next way to obsess about one’s self: The Vanity Google AdWords Search.

–Lady O