Are you prepared for the inevitable Zombie Apocalypse?
You should be. I promise you, it will happen.
Not because I’m trying to take over the world or anything. You can’t just expect to survive this sort of event by thinking it would never happen. Sure, it worked on the Virginia earthquake last week near Fredericksburg, but we also learned that ignorance is not bliss. Unless you just like the idea of muddling your way through the Epic Natural Disaster Smack-down without a plan. At least be prepared with a playlist or two.
For a long time, I’ve known the details of my plan and I hope you know yours. Talking to my Go To Girl earlier this month, we decided that the time was now to release my detailed plan.
It is also my plan for world domination.
It’s the end of the world as you know it. What do you need?
The first part of my plan starts with weaponry. Everyone knows that I am a big time knife girl. And I like bows. There’s just an elegance in bow shooting. However, there’s a time and a place for bows. The Zombie Apocalypse is not it. (OK, so they are quiet, but still…) My blades are good for close combat, but I want to make sure that head shot is good. And for that, you need boomstickery.
The way I see it, if you need to use a boomstick, your boomstick should at least match your style and grace. Just like a bow. Or your sexy steel. So take a peek at my boomstickery of choice:
That’s right. It’s a Hello Kitty Assault Rifle. Live in fear.
However, I found this sweet piece, too. It must go in the arsenal, because really, one Hello Kitty gun is just not enough.
The way I see it, these are some bad-ass boomstickery type things for making the zombie kill shot from safe distances. They afford me some style. The winner is if creeper looters come by, I’m safe with my peeps just standing there sporting one of these because I figure the conversation will go a little something like this:
Lady O: Back off and don’t mess with me or my peeps.
Thickheaded Thug 1: You and what army’s gonna stop me, little lady?
Lady O: *brandishing Hello Kitty Assault Rifles* Me and my kitties.
Thickheaded Thug 2: Holy crap, what did she do to that gun?
Lady O: You got a problem with my boomstick?
Thickheaded Thug 1: You know, I’m thinking that anyone who would do THAT to a gun cannot be in their right mind. This crazy girl might just shoot us because she’s PSYCHOTIC. Let’s leave.
Thickheaded Thug 2: Yeah, she’s kinda scaring me. Is she PETTING that thing?
That’s what I’m talking about. Hello Kitty assault rifles. They serve many purposes.
Just in case I’m in a non-boomstickery close combat mood, though, I know what I need. Hail to the Queen, baby. Ash, you got nothing on me when I come out with this baby roaring:
I’m confident the Deadites will fall down in the wake of my chainsaw. Check out that heart action!
As you can see, I’m flush with weaponry. Time to move on to the next phase of the operation. I need wheels. It must: 1. keep me safe from the zombies and 2. allow me to roll over anything in my way.